99 things you should see before Internet explodes

Apparently there are 99 things you should have already seen on the internet. If you haven’t, you must be a loser or summat like that*. So someone named Greg Rutter** has kindly provided us with the definitive list of everything we should have seen on the Internet so far and here are some of the excerpts which I particularly like:

02) Charlie Bit Me
04) Dancing Baby
05) Post Secret
07) Mentos and Diet Coke
08) Numa Numa
36) Where The Hell Is Matt
55) The Pet Penguin
56) Ms. South Carolina Answers A Question
57) I’m F*#king Matt Damon
72) Asian Backstreet Boys
76) Sneezing Panda
84) Matrix Ping Pong
88) Ok Go – “Here It Goes Again”
97) Gay Referee
99) Reporter Gets A Fly In The Mouth

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Better things to do or watch? Let me know in the comments below.

*I can’t say old because that’s just being ageist and I’m better than that but using the word “loser”, yeh, there has be to a class divide somehow.

**Thanks, Greg! Here’s his site: http://www.youshouldhaveseenthis.com/ by the way.


Listening: Friday I’m in love by David Gray

After Monday’s heartbreak, Tuesday’s misery, Wednesday’s soul-searching and Thursday’s suicidal tendencies, it’s time to celebrate the day of the week we all look forward to most. FRIDAY, baby!

A loud, energetic and jumpy Gray is something you should see. And I thought he only does sad love songs.


Invisible blood on the record store floor

Stepping into a record store can be the second hardest thing to do when you are nursing a broken heart. Number one hardest thing to do when you are a sad lonely fuck in a record store is having to endure its repertoire of love songs while browsing. Every bloody wail, tortured notes and wrangled lyrics just stabs your heart over and over and over again.

I practically attained Level 10 of The Ultimate But Long Forgotten Art of Total Self-Control just standing there. Being whipped by spiked ropes continuously on the fresh raw wounds. It was invisible blood on the record store floor.


Why Foxtrot makes you smile

Math is hard.

Math is hard.

It does, doesn’t it? It appeared in the Sunday papers couple of weeks ago. I’ve always enjoyed Foxtrot. Very lovable and geekishly clever. Oh, and I tried solving the math problem. I couldn’t.


Last Ash Wednesday

That evening, the sun had cast a warm gold hue on everything it could lay its rays on. If I were to take a photo that day, it would have came out in natural sepia. We were walking to the bus stop which was out of the usual route because the regular one was under renovation. The crowd waiting at the bus stop faded into the background as we slowed to a spot amongst them. There was loud drilling but it is no longer as vivid as how I can picture you in my head now.

I was wearing a black top with dark blue jeans. You were in black too and carrying the bag you no longer use now. I asked if you would like to have dinner but you were on your way to church. It was Ash Wednesday, that’s why you were fasting. I remember expressing loud sympathy. I didn’t like the idea of you suffering in hunger then and even now. While I waited with you for your bus, I thought of dozens of reasons to get you to meet me after your mass so I could feed you. Come to think of it, I was rather cheeky then huh.

This year, things aren’t quite the same as how I would have imagined. Still, I hope you had a good Ash Wednesday. Goodnight.


Why you should never keep certain pets

I'm gonna be pretty someday

I'm gonna be pretty someday

There is just a certain type of pet you should never keep when you are a child or currently raising children. My first pet was a caterpillar. As you can imagine, that might have just screwed me up a little when it comes to the idea of raising pets 22 years on.

My dad and I were playing in the living room one day when we spied a grubby little wormlike creature on the ground. Seen through my wide innocent eyes, this crawlie thingy was the best thing one could ever find in an afternoon playtime. Dad asked if I fancy watching the caterpillar turn to a butterfly. If you had the same book (pictured above) I had in your childhood, you would think “My very own Hungry Caterpillar”! Oh, the cupcakes you can watch it eat, leaving holes of rampage in its path of feasting.

Of course, I was made to promise to keep it in somewhat of a good shape by not forgetting to feed or look at it occasionally. I forgot if I had given it a name though, but if the memory does come back to me, I shall remember it fondly.

Week One: It laid on the huge cabbage leave inside a cosy* plastic Tupperware. Did not appear to have moved at all. Eat, sleep, eat. Possibly one of the most self indulgent pets ever.

Week Two: Bits of the various leaves were chewed on. Caterpillar remained still whenever my big face approached its home. Got fatter. Shed some weird skin too.

Week Three: Watching it move was like watching paint dry. You never know if it’s even doing it. But obviously, it was doing its exercise in the middle of night when I was asleep. Always at a different spot on the leave the next day. Deprived me of having fun watching it, that fat hairy bastard.

Week Four: From a fat fugly caterpillar, it became a cocoon. I could sit in front of it all day long. I wonder if it ever felt conscious of itself, like getting chills down your back whenever you sense someone looking at you intensely from the back.

The Big Day: As I impatiently ran to see if it had emerged from its cocoon, I saw hints of dark wings behind the leave. Grinning widely, I nudged the leave aside and there it was, in all its winged glory, a dusty looking moth.

Twenty two years on, I still ask myself sometimes infrequently whenever I wake up in the middle of the night to wee. “Why wasn’t it a butterfly?”


Things I like more than I realise No1: Hugs

Seriously, I even like them emoticon style. Ping me a hug* and i will show you one instantaneous  sunshiny wide grin emoticon. Now you know how to make me happy, come forth and brighten up my day.

Never knew hugs could be free

Never knew hugs could be free

* Starting from the top left to bottom right, the hugs, according to the Internets and me, are group hug, about to tackle for a hug, MSN hug, smile before you hug, manly group hug and cosy hug. Savvy?


Oscars surprises, I hate them

Why you, Penelope Cruz, how dare you tarnish Nate Silver’s predictions?! HE was my foolproof plan to win the office’s Oscars pool! Never trust one who does election predictions again.

And the bloody cheek of Sean bloody Penn. How dare he robbed me of the remaining 90% chance of winning the office’s Oscars pool. Mickey Rourke, I blame your chihuahua.

Reading the whole commentary on the Oscars earlier and one of the funniest quotes has ought to be Defamer’s remark on the Winner of Best Picture, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. “We believe that’s the brownest-looking Oscars stage we’ve ever seen.” You may chuckle now.

Anyway, the funniest bit of the whole four possibly terminal butt-numbing hours is hands down Tina Fey and Steve Martin’s screenplay-like presentation. Literally. Interior: Kodak Theatre… and the dig at Scientology. Oh and the chemistry. They should host the Oscars next year.

Here’s Ben Stiller taking the mickey out of Joaquin stoner Phoenix by the way.


Meryl Streep and her OMFG face

See it to believe it because an overly excited Streep really brightens up your day. This video of Meryl Streep with her “OMGF, I can’t believe I actually won” face and then literally bouncing through the crowds to get to the stage and the award was well, hilarious. The joy resonating from her is inexplicably contagious, even  through the poorer quality of youtube. I actually had the size of a megawatt grin throughout the whole six minutes.

Now you can imagine the infectious energy on that day amongst the audience itself. Great time to be a fly during the Oscars’ ceremony tomorrow? Well, I wish I had voted for Streep in my office Oscars pool. Classy and slightly arrogant in a good way, that’s what she is. Here’s an excerpt of what the Academy Awards record-holder with 15 acting nominations, including one for “Doubt” in which she plays an old-school nun in a war of wills with a priest, said in her acceptance speech, courtesy of Huffington Post:

“Can I just say there is no such thing as the best actress, you know? There is no such thing as the greatest living actress,” said Streep. “I am in a position where I have secret information, that I know this to be true.”

She added, “I am so in awe of the work of the women this year – nominated, not nominated – so proud of us girls and everybody wins when we get parts like this.”


Sloth, gluttony and lust

Items for a lazy weekend of sinful pleasures: KFC check, latest copy of Vanity Fair check and full set of Mad Men… oh yeah check.

Obama is on VF’s March cover along with his administration pictured inside, Clinton looking good. As part of its 15th Hollywood edition, this year’s Oscars’ nominated glitterati are featured inside too. Great pictorials, excellent writing. What can I say? Best object of intellectual lust ever. As for Mad Men, I love the Saul Bass‘ inspired opening credits and various pieces of music used but am still getting used to the way women get objectified and sometimes trampled over in the series though. I might understand it’s the way things are in the sixties but my politically correct mind can’t get rid of  the iffyness yet.

While advertising has never been sexier, I still think it’s the copious amount of smoking that made Mad Men such a hit. Which means, whenever I host any future house parties, if and when it does happen, probably never but just go along with my fantasy here, there will be cigarettes freely available in a tray beside a pretty ashtray. Only smokers welcomed in my crib.