Spent my entire weekend sleeping and indulging in good ol’ homecooked food (by my mum, not me obviously). By this Sunday afternoon, I felt like a bloated pregnant lady in her last trimester. Life couldn’t be better, could it?
Then I saw this note from Facebook. This could only be fun. It even said so: “Rules: Fill in the blanks! Continue the sentence that begins with ‘In’, ‘If’ & ‘When’. It’s fun!”
1. In case of a fire, I will stand around and panic for a bit before calling 995 or is it 999.
2. If I see a dead cat on the road, I will point the gruesome sight out to whoever’s lucky enough to stand next to me and avoid walking past it.
3. When I see an aeroplane coming to crash into my house, I will wonder briefly it would be my Donnie Darko moment.
4. In a fight, I want to be the innocent bystander cheering looking at the “contestants”. Or block my pretty face from the punches thrown. Unless there’s a hot chick for me to impress.
5. If I’m bored, I troll the Internet for videos of freaks doing freaky stuff.
6. When I’m in a relationship, I wonder incessantly if I’m doing the ideal partner bit right and if she is happy with me and how to keep expectations away.
7. In a relationship, the most important thing is to have some alone time from each other to keep things fresh but not use that as an excuse to go around each other’s back to flirt with other people whom you may or may not be attracted to. (Bad experience, I know.)
8. If a person of the opposite sex told me they love me, I would be amused and think if only I like you the same way.
9. When I’ve lost the person I love, I will undergo the moping process where the devastated me will sob and whine to my mates until they get sick of me.
10. In a jungle, insect repellent, toilet paper, food, water and a GPS phone will be key to those poor sobs’ survival while I watch them from the comforts of my couch.
11. If I’m alone & I see a person of the opposite sex crying alone, I would have a “should I or should I not?” moment, then walk away at the last minute.
12. When in the night and I see a fullmoon, I would never point my fingers directly at the moon for I fear a cut at the back of my ears. True story, I swear.
13. In life, I want to be happy doing what I do, whether it’s family, love, friends or work. I should also think less and do whatever I like more.
14. If I could be an animal, what would it be? A flying dinosaur! Snap and fly.
15. When it’s raining, I want to snuggle in my duvet and snooze with a nice movie playing in the background. It would also be nice to have someone by my side.
16. In this world, I care most about my next meal and how I feel about now.
17. If I became a milionaire, I will quit my job and be the author of New York Times’ next bestseller. Possibly be on Oprah’s book list too.
18. When I love someone, what do I always think of? How lucky I am to be here with her and if I should profess my love or wait another day.
19. In the toilet, I enjoy a long shower alone with my thoughts.
20. If I found out the person I love doesn’t even like me, I might contemplate spiralling down in a drunken stupor every night. But I’d most likely shrug and grieve in private instead.
21. When I grow up, I want to a famous writer with a bevy of hot girls by my side and legions of fans who fawn over my every word and happily together with someone who loves and wants me for who I am.