My heart is breaking and I’m letting it break completely until it can shatter no more because I read somewhere that it would be good for my soul. And hopefully, it’d be good for my mental well-being too. Because right now, yes at this very moment, I’m going nuts. Inside my head obviously. I’d look silly if I have a public breakdown in the office.
You see, I’m still finding it hard to compartmentalise my emotions and my thoughts that has nothing to do with work. I can’t write, not even with the deadline staring ominously in my face. I’m staring at a bunch of notes and I think those words are reading me instead of me reading them.
God, this is turning out to be a fab party innit. Sorry for whining, that is if you guys are still reading. Wait, why should I care. This is my blog where everyone is entitled to my opinion only. But yeah, I sure know how to make myself unlovable. Right, those of you who are still here, a big if though, please send some positive vibes over. Much appreciated.
Anyway, I can’t really speak to anyone who is like an actual human being now because first, I know talking it out loud will only intensify my fears and sadness. Second, even if I talk to someone, they are going to tell me the same old stuff which I already know it by heart. Lastly, everyone I know is currently at work and busy, therefore entertaining me is out of the question.
The worse part is I’m trying not to over-think or analyse whatever you are doing or who are you meeting or talking to because I’m finding it hard to breathe. But my mind keeps creeping over to the questions I’m struggling to not wonder or ask at all. I know though, I’m the only person making myself feel like shite and allowing you to be cruel to me so yeah, I’m the only one who can make myself feel better.
Breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe, sad, breathe. Guess what, I do feel better now. Yay.