It had been something of a revelation these past few days. Without any prior warning or anything, this feeling just crept in and blanketed me, not with the spidey powers I’ve always wanted but a sense of calm, which was equally, if not more, welcome*. When I felt it, it took me awhile to savour this rather new sensation before I finally acknowledged its presence.
I had to swirl it in my mouth like a sip of fine Cabernet Merlot, rolling it around with my tongue and let the taste buds have their way with it. Was there a tinge of bitterness like some wine which has been oak-barrelled for a tad too long? Not really. Was there a hint of fruity aroma like a ladies’ drink? Not really either. Neither was it totally bland like diluted Ribena. It was like a bottle of house red vintage 2007 that should be drank immediately and not a moment too soon.
Anyway, my response to it was “Huh”. Not a questioning “Huh?” or a retarded dragged out “Huuuuuuuuh?!” but an “I certainly didn’t expect this but I think I quite like the taste of the healing process” Huh. As you can imagine, it’s rather refreshing to know that somehow I have reached the Promised Land without even realising it. Someone had turned the lights on for me and the view outside isn’t that bad after all.
But what had helped me? That would be the “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?” question. The last letter I wrote to you was definitely a catalyst. Next, I put my faith and trust in the Universe. I also found it in myself to genuinely wish you well. The decision to stay away from all social media networks, although I did plurked for the last time to wish you a good long weekend before I left on Friday, was another one. And I kept my word. I didn’t log in to read or update anything. I stuck to my basic Internet needs such as football scores and the daily media reads.
But this morning, I did have a lucid dream nightmare of some sort. I dreamt that I went to check on those social media sites and read your updates and I found myself locked out from them and I am no longer privy to your life. That made me gasped out loud. Immediately though, calm settled in and logic told me, “Well, I have lived perfectly fine the last few days, relieved and carefree even, without any unhealthy thoughts. Why be bothered about something that never had and shouldn’t have anything to do with me and will have no effect on me now or my future?”
I think I’ve grown up. So much so that I’m no longer reliant on the social network tools and when the thought came to me this morning that I can probably check the updates this morning, I waved it off. Neither do I want to do so in the evening before I get off work. I want to go home, without a care of the unhappy stuff in the world. Thank you, Universe.
*The sense of calm also made me realised writing non-stop about this depressing heartbreak of mine for most of the past one year is really making this blog look worse than an emo punk rocker. Who the hell, other than me, would want to read on? So I’m sticking to cheerier stuff like what I had for lunch. Always a popular read, that one.