Back to square one

So I accidentally, no not really, more like intentionally logged onto the social media sites I had semi-swore nine days ago never to view as long as my heart remains broken. Ten minutes later, I just wished I could turn back time and stopped myself from reading the updates because I read something I probably shouldn’t have seen.

My excuse is that I have itchy fingers and eyes. Still, it’s painful. Sometimes… total ignorance is indeed bliss. Because the sadness that enveloped me after I read your updates made my hands tremble and cramped up. I couldn’t stop shaking. It was so hard to breathe nice and slow without letting the pain flash across my face.

This is an illogical sadness I can’t explain. If you know what I mean, but why would you. It’s not like you’re going through this ridiculously long heartbreak since you are clearly moving on. Going out on late night dates, planning dates, … I can’t even continue writing without getting gutted all over again.

This concept of being genuinely happy for someone is still relatively new to me.