Wanting someone to make you happy

“As long as you have these wants, this habit of wanting something, especially wanting someone or something to make you happy. Paradoxically, this is a sure way to make yourself miserable. That happiness is placed outside. That a relationship or being in a right job or passing whatever things you need to pass through will bring you to this place is already an ill-conceived notion,” says Mooji.

So what is happiness? Because some of you might be saying “I don’t know what I want” or that you are still looking for this elusive source of happiness or you are confused about the things that would make you happy. Mooji says, “Then why should you want something? Can’t you be without ‘want’? Is it a state of deficiency or something?”

There is no need to live in a world of want because it doesn’t make you happy, he adds. “But it does not mean without need, without wants that the life stops. They are not working for happiness.”

If you ask yourself, “What do you want or what do you think you should want?” and there is no answer, perhaps you really don’t need or want anything at all. The problems that you think you have and are plaguing you non-stop are possibly not problems at all. That’s the trouble most people face, they don’t know what they want and I’m constantly guilty of having this problem.

“So if you don’t know what you want, what is the purpose of want? Except that it is a feeling that I should want something because everybody else has a want, or you may substitute the word ‘want’ for ‘dream’ or some state that is beautiful,” says Mooji.

Suppose you have always wanted this person, you want her so bad that you think she would make you happy, so as long as you want her, a relationship with her, you are never really available for anything else. Every time, you are talking, it is just this want for her. Your mind is focused on satisfying your desire but there is no joy in wanting this person. You feel if you get her, you would be so happy but there is no happiness in this.

“As long as you have a desire, you are being tormented by this desire. Why? Because you don’t get it, you are miserable. All your energy is waiting and trying to fulfil your desire.” says Mooji. “When you get this object you desire, you feel tremendous happiness. But the thing didn’t give you happiness. Your desire was agitating you, troubling you. When you get the thing, the agitation stops and it’s the relief from the agitation that you are interpreting as the joy you’re receiving. You are enjoying the freedom from the desire to have it.”

Which means once I remove this desire that you will return to me or that I would be happy as long as you are back in my arms and I’d be free. That, my friend, is true happiness.