Scrambled eggs


It’s not an euphemism for anything. Really. If it’s indeed an euphemism for something, I wouldn’t be the first one to know. Because I ain’t cool like that. So I woke up this morning midday and I thought it would be a good idea to cook me some breakfast. I know right? What was I thinking? Of course, it turned out to be slightly more eventful than what you or I would have expected.

With a flashing energy-saving lightbulb over my head, (it’s a metaphor for “brilliant idea”, obviously), I turned on my notebook, made myself a hot cup of green tea and Googled “scrambled egg”. And boy oh boy, there were 1,680,000 websites eager to tell me what the best scrambled eggs look like, how to make them perfect. There’s even a Wikipedia page if you’re interested in the origins of scrambled eggs. And yes, I clicked on it. Always good to know the history of what you’re about to consume, innit.

According to this perfect scrambled eggs recipe by mrbreakfast.com:

This recipe serves 2 hungry people.

6 large eggs
6 teaspoons (1 teaspoon for each egg) low-fat milk
3 dashes of salt (1 dash for every two eggs)
1 Tablespoon butter for frying

That was when I stopped reading and head into the kitchen. I mean, how hard can cooking scrambled eggs be, right? IF I can dress and clean myself, and I have a driver’s license and I can drink (but not driving at the same time obviously) and smoke, and I have a day job, I can handle something as simple as eggs. Naturally, cooking just got a bit more interesting.

The Imaginarator’s personal scrambled eggs recipe:

Halved the number of eggs to three – check. Six tablespoons of low-fat milk – check. Substitute butter for copious amounts of olive oil – check. Three teaspoons of salt – check. Whisk them for a while until you see air bubbles – check. Heat frying pan – check. Pour mixture in – check. Add two slices of edam cheese for extra deliciousness – check. Semi-stir them – check. Turn off heat when you see eggs charring – check.

You do see where I have gone wrong, don’t you?