I choose us

This was first written in the wee morning of 6 May with a few edits here and there over the past three weeks and finally published now.

One year ago today, we were talking on the phone around 2am. We had spent the night before at my place after we got slightly drunk from drinks at a bar near my workplace. If you asked me now, I can still tell you what we wore that night. That is how vivid the memory is to me.

Anyway, back to 2am that night in May, we were talking about taking our relationship to the next level.

When we first started talking in late February, we had spent almost everyday on the phone together and gone out about five times. There were dinners, desserts at cafés, grocery shopping, drinks, concerts, bar-hopping, late-night suppers and sleepovers.

Yet not one day went by without me thinking I really really liked this girl. Some of my friends once joked that I was infatuated with my phone because I could never put it down when she was on the other line. Between us, I think we have sent each other more than 10,000 text messages and hundreds of photos in those early months.

Since then, it has been a journey for both of us and I still want the same things as I did a year ago.

I want to love and be loved by someone who treats me well, considers my feelings and is kind to me. I want to be in a healthy and balanced relationship. I want us to mutually respect and trust each other. I want us to be honest, faithful and committed to each other. I want us to be emotionally, intimately and sexually connected. I want us to be the love of each other’s life.

I want us to share loving moments over drinks, to make meals together, laugh at the same joke, laze on the couch, watch TV, play games, snuggle in bed, make time for each other, go out on fun dates, travel to holiday destinations and spend special occasions together. I want to wake up to you every morning thinking, “I’m so lucky to be here with you.”

I want to see your face light up when we recreate our first date. I want to do things you enjoy. I want us to sign up for interesting courses like cooking or pottery or even rock climbing together. I want us to have many memorable evenings simply just by talking to each other and making one another laugh non-stop.

I want to give you flowers. I want to dress up on dates with you. I want to take you out for fancy dinners. I want to tell you how awesome you are all the time. I want us to text or email or call each other just to share what we appreciate and adore about each other whenever we feel like it.

I want to give you morning kisses, goodnight kisses, little pecks, random kisses, passionate kisses and tender kisses. I want to kiss you goodnight and wake you up in the morning with kisses all over your face. I want you to jump on me and plant kisses all over me.

I want to pick you up from work and send you to work. I want us to indulge in random acts of love. I want to send you handwritten letters just to see you smile. I want us to share little surprises. I want us to be affectionate with one another. I want you to feel loved by me and me to feel loved by you.

I want us to share our thoughts, feelings, desires and even fears openly with each other. I want us to be comfortable sharing our worries and our challenges. I want us to always be here for each other.

I want to be the first person you call when you have a bad day. I want you to be the first person I talk to when I am sad. I want us to call each other the minute we won the grand prize in a lucky draw or see a rainbow or anything that makes our day.

I want to hear all about your day and I want to share all the little things that make up my day. I want us to be the confidants we always wanted to have.

I want us to share events in life together, no matter how big or small. I want us to map a life together. I want us to work towards common goals, see things from each other’s perspective and accept who we are.

Even if we have an argument, we will sit down and talk it out instead of running away at the first sign of trouble. We will always speak up so we can make our relationship stronger than ever.

Instead of focusing on disappointments and conflicts, we will learn from them and let the small stuff go. Like you once told me, we should always look at the big picture and not be petty. I want you to feel the same whenever you get upset with us. I want us to have so much love for each other that we have no room for resentment or revenge. We are strong enough to apologise and ask for forgiveness. We are generous enough to forgive each other.

Even when our schedules get busy or when stress seems to be piling, we will always find our way back to each other.

I want us to grow together. I want to be the one you want to be with and you’re the one for me. I want us to be each other’s best friends and lovers and the safe haven we’ve been waiting for.

Remember why we fell in love and why we chose one another and why we are still in love with each other. Because magic happens when we are together.

Happy one year, baby.

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