“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~ Sam Keen
I have no idea how our lives will be like from here on but I just know I want you to be in mine.
A real-life relationship is not a fairytale romance movie. I think we somehow know that. Yet we can make relationships work and stay happy and blissful together.
According to Lynn Zavaro at tinybuddha.com, here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship:
1. Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within.
Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. Let go of the romantic ideal of becoming “one”. Learn to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.
2. See your partner for who she really is.
The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent. When you realise that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.
3. Be willing to learn from each other.
The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
4. Get comfortable being alone.
In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.
5. Look closely at why a fight may begin.
Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less.
6. Own who you are.
We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.
7. Embrace ordinariness.
After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we often do everything we can to avoid ordinariness. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.
8. Expand your heart.
One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, bring awareness to what is good within your heart. It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.
9. Focus on giving love.
Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.
10. Let go of expectations.
You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.
Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.