Whatever will be, will be

I have been very attracted to myself lately. I see pictures of myself and I can’t stop admiring how awesome I look. I KNOW.

I have noticed a few differences this time round. I have stopped wondering about the “what ifs” or the past or worrying unnecessarily. I look forward to the future with a certain sense of joy.

True, there are times where I’d fall into a relapse and feel like I have put my life on hold or feeling overly hopeful. But I’d quickly acknowledge it, wave it goodbye, and urge myself to keep moving forward, even if it’s a tiny step a day.

I do what I like whenever I want to. I stopped overthinking everything. If I feel like doing something, I go straight out to fulfil my desire without hesitating. I no longer have the “maybe I should wait another day” mindset.

Like that day I felt I should learn how to play a guitar again. After only the slightest of pauses, I went to take the guitar out of the storeroom, downloaded a few training apps and started strumming again. In time to come, I’d be able to serenade someone special with a love song. HA HA!

More importantly, I love how decisive I have become and how focused I am on myself. If I like it, I do it. If I don’t, I let it go. Only positive thoughts, actions and people allowed in my life now.

Yes. It’s all about ME, ME and ME and how much I enjoy my life and that I am my top priority.

But I admit there are times where I would unconsciously hold my breath in when I dreaded certain things or I’d forget to exhale when I assume the worst of something. Then I’d remember I’m alive and I have to love myself most because no one will ever love me more than I can. And so I breathe.

When I find myself trying to overanalyse something, I stop and see it for what it is. My mind will switch off. Well, I don’t know if it’s a good thing that I don’t think deeply enough, but I believe that things will work themselves out somehow because I am happy and I know my happiness will bring forth even better things to me.

If you like me, you take me for who I am. If you don’t, I couldn’t care less because I am not going to linger and wait for your approval. I will walk away.

Because I have said what I want out loud, I am no longer afraid.

Que sera sera. What will be, will be.

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