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Yes or no

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I watched this Thai film “Yes or No” recently and I cried quite a fair bit near the ending. The premise is about two girls who are adversaries at first when they share a college dormitory room and over time realise they have fallen for each other.

Sweet-looking Pie (Sucharat Manaying) is uncomfortable when she finds out her new roommate Kim (Supanart Jittaleela) looks and dresses like a boy. As their friendship develops, Pie and Kim realise the feelings they feel for one another is more than an ordinary friendship. They realise what they have is true love.

But true love always faces obstacles. Their mutual friend tries seducing Kim while Pie’s mother disapproves of the relationship so the star-crossed lovers splits. Then they spend many scenes apart, thinking about each other and reminiscing the happy times they share. When Pie opens a note Kim had left for her, it read: “When you’re brave enough, we shall dance like butterflies together.”

That is when Pie picks up the courage to look for Kim at her home. You can watch the extremely touching scene (with English subtitles) in the link below while I grab some tissues.

Pie says: “I’m sorry. I was afraid. I was confused. I was afraid of everything — I am afraid that my mother would be angry with me, that my friends would tease me, and that I was afraid of the stares from strangers … but now I know that if I am still afraid, I’ll lose you … and I don’t want to lose you.”

After a long pause, Kim walks up to Pie and holds her gently from behind. “Thank you for having the courage to love me.”

Remember how I used to send you home the next morning after you stayed over at my place and how we’d look forward to seeing each other again? Those tender kisses and loving moments in the cab just before I drop you off and head to the office. Those furtive texts to each other while you eat your breakfast or play with your dog and I am still on my way to work. Then you’d ask me if I’ve reached the office and I’d answer “yes” and we’d chat for a bit more before you fall asleep, this time in your bed.

Whenever you’re asleep in my arms and I am still moments away from drifting off to sleep, I’d gaze at you and think how perfect we must look, entwined in each other’s limbs and breathing softly in unison. And every time since the first night you fell asleep on my bed, I have always thought you are incredibly beautiful and I still do. I miss hugging you from behind with the smell of your hair in my face.

‘In that book which is
My memory…
On the first page
That is the chapter when
I first met you
Appear the words…
Here begins a new life.’

— Dante, Italian author and poem of La Vita Nuova.

(Listed in The 100 Best Love Poems of All Time by Leslie Pockell)

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Truth or dare

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When you know it’s love

Not sure if you remember this particular episode on Friends but it was one titled “The One With The Truth About London” in its season 7 — which revealed how Monica and Chandler actually got together.

Turns out that Chandler wasn’t Monica’s first choice that night. She wanted Joey and he wasn’t available while Chandler was there instead. So they hooked up and they have been together ever since. Some would even say they were meant to be. Until Chandler found out that he wasn’t Monica’s first choice and he went to sulk in Central Perk cafe.

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]

Joey: “I don’t want you to be upset.”

Chandler: “How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first.”

Joey: “Yeah, for like half-an-hour one night. Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! You’re so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did …

“‘cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yer know, we look at you and … and we see you together and it just … it – it fits. Yer know? And you just know it’s gonna last forever.”

Chandler: “That’s what you should say.” (Smiles.)

Joey: “What?”

Chandler: “When you’re marrying us, that’s what you should say.”

Awwwwww, it was such a happy ending about two people who were brought together by fate (and destiny) and overcame the odds to be in a loving, lasting relationship.

Which led me to a scenario …

Let’s say someone plays Truth or Dare with you and it’s your turn so you chose to tell the truth. Just like in a scene from Big Bang Theory (season 4) when Penny, Bernadette and Amy had a girls’ night out.

They ask: “Why are you still hanging out with her much even though you broke up?”

Someone else agrees. “For two people who claim to be no longer a couple, you spend an inordinate amount of time in each other’s company and talk to each other a lot,” they say.

Maybe you’d reply: “Okay, look, just because we’re not seeing each other any more doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I mean, she’s great.”

And if they ask “Then why did you terminate your relationship?”

What would you say? That you don’t know? That she got really serious, and you weren’t ready for it?

So my question to you is this: “How would you react if, in the future, you become ready for it, and I am unavailable, because someone else has realised that I am — to use your words — a great person to be with?”

What would you do then? Or in fact, what would you do now? I’d like the truth please.

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Choco Baby

I realise I have tons of drafts saved for this blog and when I re-read them, I laughed, swooned, cried (sometimes all at once) at them. So I thought I should publish some really nice (meaningful) ones that are still relevant to me in 2012. Starting with the one below…

I first wrote this blog post on 7 August 2011 at 5.11am and I added on to it earlier today.

If you only had one minute to live, what would you do? Make those moments count or just lay there and wait for it to end?

Ten days ago, we were chatting for a few hours on the phone. As usual, I was at work and my muse was lying on her bed enjoying her lazy afternoon.

It was blazing out there. It was perfect for a snooze, especially after a decent meal.

We were talking about the weather, sleep, lunch, her dog, how both of them slipped and fell down within minutes of each other one morning I was at her place, my nightmare earlier in the morning and other random things that popped up in our heads. There were plenty of “Hahahahas!” in the conversation.

She then tried to create my initials using many “poop” emoticons but failed. Never one to back out of a challenge, I did the same with her initials and succeeded. She was impressed. So she tried again, using both “poop” and “monkey” emoticons, which made my initials looked like wobbly drunk alphabets but you could still tell which alphabets they were meant to be. But as usual, I trumped her with my beautiful illustration of her name with “poop, monkeys and pigs” – our affectionate insults for each other.

One minute passed. There was no repartee from her. Five minutes. It was still quiet. Too quiet in fact. Eight minutes went by.

And then a random splattering of stars, suns and fire appeared on my phone screen.

“What’s that?” I asked.

She then sent me a screenshot of what the stars, suns and fires were supposed to resemble. Turned out she was studiously typing out the emoticons on the notepad app on the iPhone. However, transferring them to Whatsapp did not create the same effect as she wanted.

If someone had looked at me then, they would have seen me grinning at my phone. She was unbelievably adorable. If she was right in front of me, I’d have grabbed her face and kiss her all over because she was that adorable.

“SadZ. I’m made of stars, fire and sun,” she said.

“I feel nauseous,” I replied.

A lull and then she said: “If you don’t vomit, I’m going to vomit liao ah.”

We both burst out laughing at the same time. Which tailed off into more insults for each other. Until… she texted: “I am Choco Baby.”

“You’re  baby.”

“Mmmm no!”

“Later I puke ah.”

Yes, I know what “highly intellectual” conversations we have. But no one makes us laugh as much as we make each other laugh. It’s just hard to understand if you’re not part of our world, our venn diagram, our intertwined lives.

She soon fell asleep because she just had lunch and you know how a full stomach always makes her very drowsy.

Fast forward two hours later, she has awoken and we were making dinner plans while travelling on buses to our rendezvous spot.

Another two hours later, we were finally on our way to meet each other and I was a little excited. We haven’t seen each other for a little over a week and I had missed her even though I hadn’t told her so.

She was going to arrive later than me so I decided to walk around the stores first. When she arrived, I thought she looked stunning and I wanted to give her a hug so bad. We ended up shopping for a new pair of black jeans for her.

As we stepped into the store, loud booming dance music started playing. I grabbed her and started swaying her while moving my body to the beats at the same time. I even lip-synced to the song in a “trying to be sexy but totally failed” way. She rolled her eyes like I was being duh and then surreptitiously turned to see if anyone was looking at us. There wasn’t. So she danced vigorously for two seconds, stopped abruptly and continued browsing the clothes like nothing happened. I ended up getting the black pair of jeans because it fitted me better.

We were finally starving. At the Ship restaurant, we ordered at least five dishes from the menu because that’s how we roll, Internet. We are the type of couple who can eat three meals together at one go. Yes. We had a lobster dish, escargots, pork cutlet, a chicken dish and desserts. I still don’t know how we always managed to finish almost every meal.

After a nice filling dinner, we strolled over to the pharmacy nearby. It was crowded.We were browsing the aisles. She wanted to get some feminine products. That was when I saw the “Vaginal Douche” labelled on a product. I nudged her and when she looked up, we burst out laughing. I took a picture of it and said that was her new name. Giggling non-stop, we paid up and headed for our respective bus stops.

During the walk there, I thought about all the fun dates we had – the first one where we had bak kut teh and crepes, the night we went to the Stereophonics concert and had five whiskey dry at the Irish bar, the picnic where we didn’t manage to fly our kite but we still had a romantic time together because I brought a lot of food and necessities so I’d have everything in my bag if you wanted something savoury or sweet or healthy or a wet wipe to refresh yourself, our Bintan getaway where I cut short my Shanghai trip so I could meet you earlier, all those times we spent lazing on BTB, our excursion to the Salvador Dali and Tang Dynasty exhibitions.

Then there was the second picnic where we had a really fierce wild monkey with really weird long uneven nipples chasing us and snatching our very yummy home-cooked food – a competition which you won. We even kidded about bringing my dog form to protect us next time we have picnics. Then there was the day we spent building little Lego (ok, you built while I assisted), the amazing date we had at Oyster Bar and Wangz, the times we farted in front of each other and tried to pretend we didn’t, nights we spent grooming each other’s ears and squeezing pimples on our backs, feasting on food deliveries at home, and so many many many more! There are just too many great times to list down.

And you know what? It would be so nice to continue making more happy memories together ’cause you’re such an adorable Choco Baby.

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Grow old with me

Grow old… and fat and rich along with me because we will always laugh together.

I first wrote half of this post on Oct 11, 2010 at 11.53pm after watching the episode Me and My Town in the season five of Desperate Housewives. It was the period when Gabrielle Solis was plump and frumpy from taking care of two daughters at home and Carlos was blind.

I thought I’d finish writing it tonight because I have been watching a few episodes from its eighth – and final – season recently. Plus, I have been laughing a lot these few days and feeling rather romantic.

In this episode I watched two years ago, Gabrielle goes to the hospital to visit Carlos and she is informed there’s a bone fragment impinging his optic nerve. But he could restore his vision in a month if it is removed. The couple are thrilled, but Gabrielle is nervous about how he will think she’s ugly when he can see.

She comically tries to argue against having the surgery so soon, but to no avail. With no time to get back into shape the old-fashioned way, she panics and confesses her fears to Carlos. She tells him to be prepared that she is no longer as beautiful as she was.

He replies that she will always be beautiful to him and he tells her a story about the first time he knew he was going to be with her forever. It was also the night he proposed to her. He had taken Gabby out for ribs, and from the way he describes it, it sounds like she did her best T-Rex impression at dinner.

Carlos: “I knew I was going to marry you the night we went to that restaurant on 3rd Street.”

Gabrielle: “I remember that place.”

Carlos: “You wore a white linen sundress and [chuckles] you ordered this giant plate of ribs. And you ate them with such gusto – up to your elbows in barbecue sauce, meat hanging from your teeth and grease in your hair. And when it was all over, I pointed out what a mess you were.

“You pulled out your mirror, took a look at yourself, and just let out this huge, happy, totally unrestrained laugh. The room was completely filled with it, and I thought to myself: ‘Now *that* is a sound I’d like to hear the rest of my life.’ That’s why I proposed to you. And it had nothing to do with your looks.”

Gabrielle: “You know when I decided I wanted to be with you forever?”

Carlos: “No. When?”

Gabrielle: “About 30 seconds ago. [kisses Carlos] Up until then, it was pretty touch and go.”

Heh, I went awwwww at that scene. It reminded me of how I enjoy listening to you laugh whenever we spend time together because knowing that I am the one making you happy makes me happy too.

You know how it feels when you know you want to hear the same laughter for the rest of your life? I do.

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The one with the proposal

I love Friends. I mean, who doesn’t, right? I have watched the reruns so many uncountable times and yet I have always laughed at the same scenes all over again because it really is a brilliantly written comedy.

The actors played their roles perfectly and they were the sort of friends I wish I had in my life. They shared so many similar experiences that I could relate to and became such a huge part of my life that I was so sad when the series ended its run in 2004.

And the script below is from one of my favourite episodes ever Friends: Season 6, episode 24 and 25 (click here for the full script). It made me laughed and teared all at the same time. How brilliant is that? Here’s how.

[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment. Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]

Joey: Dude!

Chandler: I can’t talk to you now, I gotta find Monica!

Joey: She’s gone.

Chandler: What?

Joey: She’s gone. She had a bag and she left.

Chandler: What are you talking about?

Joey: She was all crying. She… she said you guys want different things, and that she needed time to think.

Chandler: Well, why didn’t you stop her?! Why didn’t you just tell her it was a plan?!

Joey: I–I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldn’t believe me.

Chandler: Well, where… Where did she go?

Joey: To her parent’s, I think and she said you shouldn’t call her. But if I were you, I would.

Chandler: I can’t believe I ruined this.

Joey: I am so sorry, man.

(Chandler walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)

Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.

(He turns to look at Joey, who smiles slyly and closes the door, leaving them alone.)

Chandler: Oh my God.

(Monica gets down on one knee.)

Monica: Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starts to cry.) As to… fall in love with my best… my best… There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!

Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought… (Starts to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I–I can do this. (Pause)

I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realised the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starts to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?

Monica: (Takes a deep breath.) Yes.

(The crowd goes wild as Chandler puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)

One day, if I ever had the chance to propose to someone special, the text in bold quotes would be exactly what I’d say. Ok, now to stop tearing.

Because, darling, you look wonderful tonight. *hums the tune from Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight*

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The one with the proposal

I love Friends. I mean, who doesn’t, right? I have watched the reruns so many uncountable times and yet I have always laughed at the same scenes all over again because it really is a brilliantly written comedy.

The actors played their roles perfectly and they were the sort of friends I wish I had in my life. They shared so many similar experiences that I could relate to and became such a huge part of my life that I was so sad when the series ended its run in 2004.

And the script below is from one of my favourite episodes ever Friends: Season 6, episode 24 and 25 (click here for the full script). It made me laughed and teared all at the same time. How brilliant is that? Here’s how.

[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment. Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]

Joey: Dude!

Chandler: I can’t talk to you now, I gotta find Monica!

Joey: She’s gone.

Chandler: What?

Joey: She’s gone. She had a bag and she left.

Chandler: What are you talking about?

Joey: She was all crying. She… she said you guys want different things, and that she needed time to think.

Chandler: Well, why didn’t you stop her?! Why didn’t you just tell her it was a plan?!

Joey: I–I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldn’t believe me.

Chandler: Well, where… Where did she go?

Joey: To her parent’s, I think and she said you shouldn’t call her. But if I were you, I would.

Chandler: I can’t believe I ruined this.

Joey: I am so sorry, man.

(Chandler walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)

Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.

(He turns to look at Joey, who smiles slyly and closes the door, leaving them alone.)

Chandler: Oh my God.

(Monica gets down on one knee.)

Monica: Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starts to cry.) As to… fall in love with my best… my best… There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!

Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought… (Starts to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I–I can do this. (Pause)

I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realised the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starts to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?

Monica: (Takes a deep breath.) Yes.

(The crowd goes wild as Chandler puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)

One day, if I ever had the chance to propose to someone special, the text in bold quotes would be exactly what I’d say. Ok, now to stop tearing.

Because, darling, you look wonderful tonight. *hums the tune from Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight*

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When Molly met Shane

Two years ago on Nov 21, we were at home lazing in on my big comfy bed. It was a Sunday. We had spent the entire day feasting, playing and laughing. We were snuggling in each other’s arms when you suggested watching The L Word because you had stopped halfway in the middle of Season Five before coming over to my place. (Also, you had a massive crush on Shane. Then again, which girl isn’t?)

So we downloaded this Chinese media player on my computer and you pressed “play” on episode 10. Shane and her friends were cycling for a charity competition and this girl Molly, whom she had a bad breakup with, flew a long distance to see her. And to explain things and naturally, to declare her love.

After we watched the scene, I had tears in my eyes and you said to me: “This is how straight girls really feel inside when they are with a girl. You will never understand.”

I held you tighter and I remember your words ever since.

On July 30 last year, you tweeted the same video and you said: “Just like all the other stupid girls…”

I favourited it. This year, this scene popped up in my head again. Maybe because we have been talking a lot about scenarios with your favourite andro pop band recently. As I recalled our conversations and rewatched the scene with Molly and Shane, I came across something I wrote in early 2010:

I am just a girl waiting for someone to love me madly.

Like what Molly said to Shane:

“I don’t know if I am gay, I don’t know if I am straight but I do know that I want to be with you… I am here and I am crazy about you.”

And they kissed and made up. Anyway, just watch the YouTube clip again. It’s really sweet and touching.