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Sometimes I think, sometimes I don’t

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This is a conceptual art installation piece created by Stefan Brüggemann (1975-) in 2001. It is made of white neon. And it’s very alluring to look at. Agree?

The artwork also says what my mind can’t express…

Sometimes I think, sometimes I don’t, but recently I have been thinking about you. A lot.

The past weekend was especially tough to live through. I carry you in my heart all the time.

Then I came across this quote read on a TV show.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. — Corinthians 13:4-7 [New International Version (NIV)]

It’s time for me to let the perceived wrongdoings and grievances that I felt deeply about go, so I can focus on living my life the right way and not be burdened by the past that is draining my motivation. Then maybe, just maybe, I can start afresh.

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No pressure

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This episode 17 from season seven of How I Met Your Mother was funny and heartwarming and thoughtful all at the same time. Bittersweet and poignant moments to remind us how reel life takes its cues from the real life at times.

‘Whatever I thought was there, she thought differently.’ — says Barney when he was asked if he wants to get back with Robin now that she’s single.

‘No, look, I’m sorry I can’t do that anymore. As long as the door is even a little bit open, I have this feeling that I’ll just be waiting around to see if I win the lottery when you turn 40. I think you know how you feel about me now and I don’t think time is going to change that.
— Ted tells Robin after they try to work out if romantic love could still blossom between them.

‘Do you love me?’ Ted finally asks Robin. And he gets the closure he has been searching for after five years of secretly loving the girl he believes to be The One.

The scene ended with the hauntingly sad Florence and Machine’s ‘Shake It Out’ song.

As the sad music plays softly in the background, we hear Ted’s voiceover: ‘Here’s the funny thing: in my own crazy way, I was kind of happy. For the first time in years, there was no little part of me clinging to the dream of being with Robin, which meant for the first time in years the world was wide open. Because, kids, when a door closes, well… you know the rest.’

And the camera pans to Ted smiling as he walks out of the bar on a rainy day and continues his journey on a street teeming with passersby carrying yellow umbrellas.

For some reason, the ups and downs of Ted’s relationship woes and hopes resonate with me. And I find myself rooting for him at times. Maybe because I secretly want the things he want in life and deep down, my naive mind thinks that if there’s a happy ending for Ted, maybe… just maybe, my life will turn out the same wonderful way that I’ve always dreamed of.

Like what Marshall says to Lily when she tries to claim the winnings on her bet that Ted and Robin will never get back together: ‘Not yet.’

The best is yet to be.

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Last person you think of at night

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I have nothing to else to add. This pic says it all for me tonight. Who do you think of every night before you fall asleep? For me, it’s you every single time.

‘I’d do it all over again, you know. Us, you, me… all of it. I’d do it again. I’d choose you every time.’ — A quote from the movie Date Night

I watched this film earlier in the evening when I was supposed to be studying. I was totally distracted and it was guilt-inducing to waste two hours like that, but it felt so good to laugh out loud at silly humour. It’s been a while since I had laughed so heartily.

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Best I ever had

Nine days ago, we were scrolling through each other’s playlists on our phones and trying to decipher the type of hidden personality each of us try so hard to subdue in public. We had more than 1,200 songs each, so there were plenty to decode as we looked intently at each other’s phones.

After a while, the verdict was out. I was told that I am a secret pop-song lover who’s also a techno lian who secretly enjoys 90s ballads. I said she is an old fogey who is trapped in the new millennium and who should get out of the 60s–90s era. ‘Come to the future. It’s more fun here.’

I couldn’t stop ‘tsk-ing’ and shaking my head in disappointment at her, while she kept hitting my arm in (embarrassed?) delirium.

But we couldn’t stop laughing. Turns out, we have quite a few of the same songs on our playlists. It’s kinda embarrassing and gratifying at the same time, because there are just some songs that should remain hidden from public viewing. Hahaha!

Later, we shared a cab home and the radio was playing some tunes. We were chatting and I wasn’t paying attention to the music when she pointed out abruptly that: ‘This is your kind of song.’

So we paused to listen. ‘Why is this song my kind?!’

‘It just is! Listen to it carefully!’

So we listened and there were acoustics and some melancholy, pensive singing. ‘How is this my song?! Why?!’

‘You don’t like meh? Got acoustics and sounds a bit emo… This is definitely your kind of song. You look like the kind who likes this type of song.’

So we listened carefully again and I finally said: ‘Ok, you may be right. I do like this type of song. Who sang this? But why?! I still don’t understand why must this be my song!

‘I’ll ask Siri. [Held the phone up.] Siri, why is this my kind of song?’

Hahaha! And we couldn’t stop laughing until she nearly choked. Yes, I can’t help being so humorous. It’s a natural talent. 😀

So I went home to YouTube the video and you know what, I do love the song. Guess my friend, whom I have known only for a short while, was right in this. Ha!

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The lake house

I wish my dog can play chess with me too!

I watched ‘The Lake House’ on Friday night and by the end of it, I had tears in my eyes. Geez, I have no idea why I’ve become a bigger crybaby the older I get. The story doesn’t make any sense really, but I thought certain scenes (like the one above) were lovely and the book featured in the movie had some great quotes, which I feel relate to my life and my feelings right now. Obviously. And the scraggly looking dog in the film looks like my dog. They have the same fluff all over the face and a little beard. Maybe they are related. LOL!

Alex: How’s your sunset?
Kate: It’s perfect. I only wish you were here to share it with me.

Alex: Don’t worry, Kate. We’ll be together in time. Even if we’re far apart, I’ll find a way to get close to you… and take care of you.

Kate: (quotes the line from the book “Persuasion”) There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison.

Kate: [The book] ‘Persuasion’ — it’s about waiting. These two people; they meet, they almost fall in love, but the timing isn’t right, they have to part. And then years later they meet again; they get another chance… You know, but they don’t know… if too much time has passed… [and if] they’ve waited too long… too late to make it work.

If two people are meant for each other, it doesn’t mean they have to be together right now… but they will be eventually. Agree?

[Image via imaginaryhat]

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Tom Ford and Richard Buckley Forever

Tom Ford and the love of his life

I was researching the Internet for a marketing assignment I am doing when I came across this headline ‘Tom Ford is a father!’ and I immediately clicked on it. Obviously.

As it turns out, the feted fashion designer, 51, and his long-term partner Richard Buckley (pictured left, if you don’t know who Ford is), 64, has a new baby son recently. But that’s not the amazing part of the story. The most amazing part of it is that Ford has been in a relationship with Buckley for the past 25 years. That’s a relationship that is only slightly younger than me! How awesome is that?!

So I continued reading the article and it brought me to another link to where the original story was taken from: Out.com. And the recollections from Ford and Buckley on how they felt when they first saw each other, how they were both ready to settle down, fall in love, and how they are growing old together was so beautifully written that my eyes were moist by the time I finished reading it. I know, what’s up with my emotions the older I grow, right?! HAHA!

The couple met when Ford was just 25 (and a nobody then) and Buckley, the former editor-in-chief of Vogue Hommes International, was 38. And how their love began and continues to stay strong is a heart-warming story.

Tom Ford, designer:
You can look at someone and feel like you’ve known him forever. The first night I ever had drinks with Richard I felt I knew everything about him…

We first encountered each other at a fashion show in New York in 1986. He was confident and handsome in a way that made him almost unapproachable. His stare was so intense that it completely unnerved me, and when the show was over I literally bolted out the door and down the street to avoid him.

Ten days later, my employer, Cathy Hardwick, sent me to the office of Women’s Wear Daily to retrieve some clothes. I was directed to the roof where they were being photographed, and as the elevator opened, there was the man with the eyes the color of water…

He was adorable, and he was a complete fool. He was sort of dancing around, flashing his eyes at me, and trying so hard to be charming. I decided in that elevator ride that I was going to marry him. I’m very pragmatic, and I was, like, OK, there’s some kind of connection here. He ticked every box, and — boom — by the time we got to the floor, I was like, OK, sold.

He seemed so together. He was so handsome, he was so connected, he was so grown-up, so he was very intimidating. And he really chased me — not that he had to chase that hard. It excited me but it also scared me, because I knew he was different and that whatever it was I felt with him was very different from what I’d felt before.

Now, we say it [I love you] to each other every night before we go to sleep, and we say it at the end of every telephone conversation, and we write it at the end of every e-mail. Every time you think, I love you, I really believe you have to say it. If you think about holding their hand or kissing them, you do it. I do it all the time.

Getting older together has been interesting because we’ve both changed. I was very quiet at the beginning of our relationship — I’m actually a very, extremely, almost pathologically shy person, which no one believes today, because I have also mastered a work/public façade that takes an enormous amount of energy to project. And Richard, when we first got together, was very, very social and very talkative.. but meeting us today you would think the opposite.

One of the things that always amuses me — amuses isn’t even the right word, because it doesn’t amuse me — but often, I’m at dinner parties with very close friends, straight, and they realize that Richard and I have been together 24 years, and the response is often, ‘Wow, you guys have been together 24 years! That’s so amazing. I don’t think of gay men being together that long.’ And I’m, like, ‘Why? What are you talking about?’ Some of the longest relationships I know of are same-sex couples. A lot of my straight friends have married and divorced and married and divorced in the time Richard and I have been together.

I’m someone who likes being part of a couple and always wanted that and always sought that, and it would probably be true for me whether I was gay or straight.

Richard and I are bound together, and I think that’s what that recognition is when you look someone in the eyes and you feel like you’ve known them forever. It is a kind of coming home.

Richard Buckley, writer:

The whole time down in the elevator I was babbling on like a schoolgirl… I was shamelessly flirting with this boy. He, meanwhile, said nothing, and the quieter he was, the sillier I became.

For our first date… Tom sat there chit-chatting: ‘And in 10 years I’m going to be showing my own collection in Paris, and I’m going to be a millionaire, and I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do that.’ And I kept thinking, This guy is really naive. But as we talked about other things, it was almost like seeing down a rabbit hole. I felt like I was looking at his eyes, and it was just spinning around and taking me down inside him. I could see he was a good man with a big heart.

I couldn’t imagine being without Tom now. I couldn’t imagine what I’d be like if something happened to him. There’s only one Tom for me. He is still that man who I met 24 years ago, who has a good heart.

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Think before you react

I am not in the best of moods tonight and I’m having difficulty concentrating on what should be my highest priority now. Let’s just say my mood involved plenty of uncontrollable tears and keep it as that. My mind has gone wild and restless and I can feel myself on the verge of doing something very impulsive and illogical. So I let my mind wander and thankfully I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have come across this image.

Sometimes I think the Universe always sends us a message when it senses that we need help in our greatest hour of need. And tonight is the moment I needed a clear head.

“Before you react, think.”

Very apt. And so I’ve calmed down. The bonus is that the quote is from one of the authors that I’ve always emulated my writing on. Double yay!

If you were like me trawling around the Internet hoping to find some answers or a sign, here it is. Here’s your sign. I hope it helps you as much as it gave me peace. 🙂