The aftermath of Hurricane Sandy


How did everyone spend the week which had Hurricane Sandy tearing through New York and cause massive power outages along the way?

I spent that week talking to someone I care dearly for nearly every day. She was in New York and I was worried for her safety, her health and if she had enough to eat or if she would be bored or frustrated being trapped in a foreign land and unable to get home. I would find the funniest videos or interesting pics to send her or talk to her about random silly things, so I can take her mind off her situation then.

It’s funny how you spend all your time trying to make someone happy, but end up being miserable yourself because you feel unappreciated.

I suppose one shouldn’t have expectations of any kind, because that would only lead to unwanted thoughts and unanswered questions. It doesn’t matter even if you show care and concern for someone, because that person may not even give a shit about you.

It’s true, you know. If someone really misses you or wants to see you, she would do anything possible to do so. And if she ends up choosing to do something else or meet other people and ignore your messages instead of making time for you, you know that this person is not worthy of your attention. In a way, her actions have answered all your pathetic questions.

Why should I keep pursuing someone who clearly isn’t interested in me anymore and knowingly (or to give the benefit of doubt, unknowingly) cause me pain?

I am sick and tired of having to deal with all the crap and thinking about what I can do to make you happy. It’s time to cut my losses. I am stopping all my emotional investment in you. It’s time for me to see the bigger picture and let go of the pain inside.

You can only love someone this much before you realise that she doesn’t want to have any sort of relationship with you. So grow up and suck it up. It’s no longer love; it’s pain and misery.

I should put myself first and surround myself with people who genuinely want to hang out with me, who enrich my life, who care for me and want me to be happy.

I can spend my whole life trying to get you to see me for who I am and accept me for what I am and love me back, but I have ended up in a never-ending cycle of misery because I couldn’t let go.

I am getting out now and putting myself first. Wish me luck.

P/S: I miss playing Kokology, but I guess I will never get my book back now. The audacity of it really upsets me.