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Don’t give up on what you want most

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I think this rule applies to almost everything in life. Want more money? Work hard. Want to have a successful career? Work hard. Want to get good grades? Work hard.

‘Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now.’

It’s true, you know. If you just lay there and watch TV or play your favourite iPhone game the whole night, what sort of rewards do you think you will get in return? Money? Job offers? More knowledge? Haha!

So with this in mind, I shall get up from bed now and start on some way overdue work. Procrastination is a very scary habit to have… Everything just piles up and you end up having to clear a lot of work at once. 😦

It’s only the 25th day of the new year and I already feel jaded and unmotivated. How to get through the rest of 2013 at this rate?!

But still, life has been good to me. And according to the feng shui for the upcoming Year of the Snake, I’m gonna have a very good year ahead, especially for my career and wealth prospects. Hehe! Wish me luck!

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Relight our fire

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I wrote this blog post in 2011. Maybe between October and November. But I didn’t publish it then. I forgot why. Maybe I didn’t feel like having the whole world reading my heartbroken thoughts. But it has been over a year and a few months now since I last edited this post on 20 October 2012. I guess I have grown up a little and become a little stronger. And I’m okay letting you read this now (if you still read my blog).

Sometime late in late 2011:

I just spent 17 minutes of my life watching a YouTube video on the stages of a relationship a couple goes through. I had tears in my eyes when I saw what the couple went through. The ups and downs, the highs and the lows. The earlier scenes had me nodding and even smiling at the accuracy depicted when you get to know someone new. As the couple became comfortable and familiar with each other, things started to change. And it is not always for the better.

While I probably will not watch it another time (ok maybe just one more time) because it is so time-consuming, I will just break the stages here so I can recap why it is so important for two people in love to work at staying in love. Otherwise, when one of us stops trying, two people who were once so in love will end up hating each other and forgetting why they fell in love in the first place.

This is from me to you:

When I first met you, you were something special. It was unbelievable how we clicked over the phone even though we haven’t seen each other for the longest time. Whenever your name popped up on my phone screen, I would get butterflies in my stomach. You probably still don’t know this, but I’d smile whenever I saw your messages. Getting to know you all over again was fun, exciting and innocent because I genuinely wanted to know every single thing you had to say. It was nice to share my thoughts with you, regardless of what popped up in my mind. If something happened in gym class, you’d be the first person I texted. If I saw something funny, you’d be the first person I told. If I took a really nice photo, you’d be the first person I sent it to. Even if you weren’t online, I would text you anyway because I was that enthusiastic about sharing every bit of my life with you.

It was amazing how we could spend hours chatting non-stop about everything and nothing in particular. If I didn’t hear from you for a few days, I’d find myself missing you. I remember there was one time, we didn’t speak for two days. And then out of a sudden, I got your messages in the middle of the night when I was at a club. I put aside my drinks, my friends, the loud blasting music and just sat at a corner of the couch to continue talking to you. I don’t know if I had told you this but that night, if I could, I would have dropped everything right then and there to go home so I could talk to you without any distractions.

And you were equally excited to read my replies. You sent me some photos you took during your trip in Australia. You even sent one photo of a few bars of soap at home. We were probably grinning to the screen at that point in time. Our replies to each other were fast and furious. There were just so many things to say even though we hadn’t spoken for two days. It felt like we were the only two people in the world.

All I wanted was just to know more about you – either through your messages, your photos, your Facebook and everything that you were interested in. But I was shy to ask you out. Until you made the first move the very next day. After we continued chatting where we left off the night before, you asked me, “Why haven’t you asked me out?”

One thing led to another and that very evening, we met each other for the very first time. And suffice to say, we had a very good time out.

From then now, all I wanted to do was to hang out with you and do interesting or fun stuff together. You were my number one priority. I would choose to go out with you over my friends. Even when I was with my friends, I would think about you all the time. Seeing you just made me yearn for the next time I’d see you again. In my eyes, you were perfect and there was no one else I want to spend time with or talk to.

It was like the stars for us were aligned. Everything felt right. Even the first time we kissed felt perfect. It was our honeymoon. We could be affectionate with each other without fear. We could do even more silly fun things together. Every moment together was our moment to cherish. We held hands, we hugged, we had random talks over the phone and we had great dates. We were a fun couple. It was a dream come true.

We took many photos together, we knew every single detail of our daily lives, we went on holidays together, we made plans to go out together. When you were away, we would be chatting on Skype and looking at each other on video calls, talking about the soonest possible time we would see each other again. I remember there were a few times, when the minute you arrive at your location, you’d text or log online to talk to me so we will always be in touch. The best part is we will always talk about how much we miss each other and how we can’t wait to see each other soon. And when you arrive home, we will always see each other the next day without fail.

Things were still fun and yet comfortable. We could even have so much fun watching TV and dissing everyone on any show we watched. We’d sleep spooning each other and wake up cuddling. We’d fight over the bolster, but I will always give in to you and in return you’d ‘generously’ let me kiap the bottom part of it so I can spoon you instead. I’d give you the whole blanket and hold your hot body for warmth when I start shivering. You’d fart at random parts of my body and push me away when my hands and feet are too cold. We were truly behaving like ourselves with each other. We might have to wear different masks to face different people in our lives, but when we were together, what we gave each other was our true genuine self.

But there were some aspects of our lives that became slightly challenging even when I thought things were going so well. I found out about the ex-bf issues, which consumed my entire mind from that moment. Maybe I was too foolish to not pick up on the signs. I became unsettled, wondering what I did wrong. I wrote many private blog posts (maybe someday I will publish them) about everything that I couldn’t let go. You probably didn’t know or even understand how much pain, how much heartache, how much tears I had. It was a recurring pain that affected the best part of our honeymoon for a few months. It has thankfully ceased for two months now.

Then slowly things began changing. Messages became infrequent. Replies were even slower or sometimes non-existent. Phone calls were no longer picked up instantly. Photos or updates that were usually first sent to each other were posted on various social networking sites first. Words of affection were no longer said out loud. Even emails were no longer as excitedly received as they once were. There was tension between each other once in a while. When we had bad days, it became worse if we didn’t let go. We became even more sensitive to each other’s actions or words. Then we became desensitised when the other party no longer wanted to give in or make up.

Conversations became fewer or sometimes zero. We stopped going out so often. We stopped sharing the things we were doing when the other person wasn’t around. Making plans to go out involved asking, “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know. Anywhere.” “I can’t decide.”

When did I stop wanting to do the romantic things I have always wanted to do for you? When did I start censoring my thoughts and the things I wanted to share with you? When did I become so scared of asking you anything? When did I become so afraid of telling you anything? When did I stop sharing every funny thought I had? When did I become so paranoid the times when you were out without me? When did I become afraid of telling you I miss you or even I love you?

Our lives will continue on in different directions. We might become strangers again. Everything we shared will just become fragmented memories. After a long time has passed, we might even question if the relationship did really happen. All we would have left is a box of stuff full of memories of things we did together, but couldn’t quite remember when or why.

For a period of time, you were a stranger who became the most important person in my life. You made me grin (in public all the time) and realise how much I could love someone again. You said once that I made you happy and that your friends told you they had never seen you happier. I guess we were the sun, the rainbow, the world and all the beautiful things in each other’s lives.

I just want to say I’m sorry. Our relationship was important to me. You were important to me. For the longest time, I felt that you were my One and Only. But I didn’t know how to fix us, even though I wanted you back so so much.

I think that if life separates us and we are in totally different places, I’ll always remember this period of time when our paths aligned, and I’ll always be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too.

GWBB, be happy always. XOXO

P/S: Now that it’s 2012, this still feels surreal. I’ve carried you in my heart for so long (even until today) that sometimes I wonder if you could feel what I feel. No wonder, I titled this blog post as ‘Relight our fire’. Listen to the song by Take That again. It’s very apt, don’t you think?

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Golden Globes’ hilarious opening act

I haven’t had a chance to watch the repeat telecast of the Golden Globes 2013, because I was swamped with work while others were busy checking out the red carpet moments as soon as the pictures were released.

But when I read that Tina Fey (my favourite comedy actress) and Amy Poehler were hilarious hosts (perhaps even better than Ricky Gervais), I was more determined than previous years to watch it somehow.

Well I finally had time to YouTube it earlier… And I’m really glad Internet was invented! Everything is just so accessible now. Haha!

Watching this video of their opening act will be the best eight minutes you will ever spend this week. It’s totally laugh-out-loud funny!

And you know what happens after a good laugh? You laugh even more and your day just becomes even better-er!

Check out this video on YouTube:

P/S: My lightbulb must have been so turned on by me this morning, it ‘blacked out’ in ecstasy. I have the magic touch… hahaha!

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I love your little flaws

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I giggled out loud when I saw this on last Sunday’s PostSecret.

Poooooooooot! Prooooot poot!

This postcard reminds me of a few funny nights we once had and how this line from her became a classic between us: ‘Your fart cuts through the silence of the night.’

Reading the post again is making me grin very sillily! 😀

P/S: On Sunday morning, I came across this story from Romance of the Three Kingdoms of Chinese history. It tells of Liu Bei and how his marriage to Lady Sun came about.

During the fierce struggle for land and power, his rival Sun Quan adopted Zhou Yu’s ‘beauty scheme’ to seize control of Jing Province from Liu Bei by luring him to Jiangdong under the pretext of marrying his younger sister Lady Sun to affirm the Sun-Liu alliance.

Sun Quan planned to then hold Liu Bei hostage in exchange for Jing Province. So he requested for Liu Bei to travel to the province in secret and they would be able to discuss the marriage in private.

However, Zhuge Liang foiled Zhou Yu’s scheme by asking Liu Bei to proclaim his impending arrival to Jiangdong loudly to whomever he meets and wherever he goes. A large entourage set off with Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang, who distributed wedding cakes and gifts to the commoners they met on their journey, while receiving well-wishes in return. Liu Bei told everyone proudly that he was in love and on his way to marry the love of his life and bring her home, where they will spend the rest of their lives in bliss together. He was determined to be open about everything, so he had nothing to hide.

Soon, the good news spread and reached the ears of Sun Quan’s mother, who was furious that she was not informed of the pending betrothal of her daughter to Liu Bei. The matriarch demanded that Liu Bei should be brought to her, so she could reject his proposal.

Sun Quan was aggrieved that his covert plan had now been exposed and that he had no choice, but to receive Liu Bei and his entourage with hospitality of a welcoming host.

When Sun Quan’s mother met Liu Bei, she was impressed that he was honourable, virtuous and kind. In short, he was an excellent match for her beloved youngest daughter.

And so, the marriage became reality. Liu Bei left Jiangdong, having successfully sealed a political alliance with Sun Quan, and returned to Jing Province safely with his new bride.

Smart huh? Now I want to find the book and read more about it.

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You’ll be the death of me

I first heard this song on the TV telecast of Victoria’s Secrets Fashion Show 2012 and now, ‘I’m addicted and I don’t know why’. I have never been a huge fan of Bruno Mars — I’ve only liked his ‘Just the way you are’ and ‘Marry You’ and ‘Grenade’ songs because she first introduced them to me — so I’m surprised by how particularly mesmerised I am by this latest song’s chorus and the composition of the melody, even though I don’t think the lyrics make any sense. Actually, none of them ever do.

All you young wild girls

You make a mess of me

Yeah, you young wild girls

You’ll be the death of me, the death of me

All you young wild girls

No matter what you do

Yeah, you young wild girls

I’ll always come back to you, come back to you…

The slow ballad is so enchanting that I keep replaying the YouTube video. And seeing incredibly hot models strutting around in skimpy lingerie is the delightful cherry on the icing. Now I can’t stop daydreaming about these beautiful women whose bodies are so out-of-this-world — so svelte and lithe — that I wish I was a hard 10/10 on the scale of good looks. If only!

Also, I still can’t believe it’s 2013. I’m still having difficulty writing/typing 2013 on my word documents. And I have no New Year resolutions to speak of. Maybe to get myself a hot supermodel? Hehe!