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I don’t know how

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If it’s true that you shouldn’t give up on someone you can’t go a full day without thinking about, then maybe we’d be the two happiest people in the world.

Because I still care. My feelings haven’t changed, despite the passing of time and all that had (or never) happened between us. Maybe it’s true that the mind might get upset and angry, but the heart will always find room for the one it truly loves.

I asked my friend, who is as wise as she is capable, a long long long time ago (most likely more than a year ago): ‘But if I stop contacting her… What if she never realises how much I miss her or how much I really love her and want to be with her?’

My friend looked me for what seemed like an eternity and finally replied: ‘Maybe one day she will read a book or see a sign and realise that the reason why you no longer call or text her is because you love her too much and have to let go now. You don’t need to ask.’

And then she smiled in that reassuring manner that she always has when consoling me.

My eyes stopped tearing from that moment. That night, my heart remained broken, but I felt that I had grown up a little and maybe one day, my heart will finally heal and you will know how I truly feel for you.

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Today is your day

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It’s been slightly over two months after my birthday and I still feel rather chirpy about it. I feel young and old at the same time, but overall I feel as though a huge burden has lifted from my shoulders. And in its place, there’s a renewed sense of optimism that the whole world is my ‘oyster’ and it’s just waiting for me to go out there and fork it for dinner.

February has been an enlightening month for me, as I took time out to re-evaluate the choices and decisions I made over the past few years about my career and the people in my life. I think I understand my motivations and needs a bit better, which is the grown-up way of saying I’ve matured! Bravo!

Maybe I am (or have already started) distancing myself from those outdated bad habits and relationships that were holding me back from the good stuff. Obviously, I experienced some emotional turmoil because of that, but I dare say the feeling of relief is greater and much more welcome. I am now definitely better at compartmentalising my emotions, at determining the reasons behind why I might feel a certain way and making sure I have mastery over my behaviour. Maybe the spring cleaning I did before the Lunar New Year really helped declutter my mind!

According to my tarot card reading, ‘it is a time of reassessment of your values and priorities and the influence of this month will be felt for a long time to come… the inner changes that take place represent a much larger step forward than you will probably realise at this time.’

I highly recommend everyone to try decluttering the things they no longer use and free their living space (and mind) for greater things to come… and start living life the way you want or do the things you want to achieve… Because…

‘Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way.’ — Dr. Seuss

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It was when I met you

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What a heartfelt poem.

In episode 14, season one of FRIENDS in The One With The Candy Hearts, Chandler agrees to go on a ‘blind’ date who turns out to be his ex-girlfriend Janice and after lots of champagne and whiskey, they end up in bed together again. The next morning, which happens to be Valentine’s Day, Janice buys Chandler candy hearts for the occasion, but Chandler decides to break up with her — again. Before Janice leaves, she says to him:

‘You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn…… You want me. You need me. You can’t live without me. And you know it. You just don’t know you know it. See ya.’

In season eight episode 15 of FRIENDS in The One with The Birthing Video, it’s Valentine’s Day and Joey has been nursing a deep crush on Rachel. He desperately wants to confess his love for her, but knows he should leave her alone. He finally cracks under the pressure when Gunther asks if he wants anything from the menu.

‘You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine’s Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that’s never going to happen!’

Happy Valentine’s Day. I miss you.

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Silly Lardee

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Silly Lardee’s sad face was SHO cute that I thought how could anyone, especially ickle, bear to have alone time away from chubby Lardee?! If I were ickle, I’d spend all my time with Lardee. We’d play, read books, eat snacks and have fun together all the time!

Agree? For some reason, this story made me miss the times when we’d read about Lardee and ickle and laugh at how adorable they are and how you were like the prim and proper ickle who keeps rolling eyes at naughty, silly Lardee who is as duh as me.

In unrelated news, Lunar New Year is next week and I haven’t actually spring-cleaned and finished decluttering my room. So far, I’ve only thrown old bills and organised my insurance and income tax statements and changed my bedsheets.

Here are the remaining chores I have to do over the next six days:

Wash the curtains;
Clean the fan and windows;
Pack my wardrobe and clear out old /unused clothes;
Clear (or hide) the books, magazines and notes scattered on the floor and in the shelf;
Throw out the bags I no longer use;
Pack the stuff under the bed.

Doesn’t sound unmanageable, right? Wish me luck!