All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.
It’s true, you know. When my last relationship finally ended mid-to-late last year after a on-off struggle, I nearly had a breakdown. I didn’t know if I could go through with the rest of my life feeling what felt like a gaping hole in my heart. I had given so much of myself and wanted us to be together so badly that it nearly drove me to the brink of no return.
I loved, and in a way I still do love, that someone who once meant the world to me. I might never let her go… in my heart. Not that she will ever know this. But I dream of her almost every night… Sometimes good, sometimes bad. And sometimes when I am alone with my thoughts, I would wonder: ‘What if?’
For a long, long time, I miss her and her dog so much that I used his name in my passwords. Maybe I should have told her that the last time I texted her. But for some reason, I kept quiet. Maybe I didn’t want to burden her with my feelings any more. What good would that do us? Someone had to let go. And if she had already done so, I should respect her wishes and let her lead her life happily.
Sometimes I’d ask my friends if it would be okay if I text her when I think of her or send her the things I bought for her, and they would ask me: ‘Why? What for? You guys are over.’
And it hurt, it really hurt, Charlie. I don’t show my innermost self to my friends or anyone, but that choked feeling is not the most pleasant thing in the whole world because it feels like someone stabbed me and forgot to remove the blunt dagger.
Anyway, the gaping hole in my heart is still there, but I’m getting better at coping with it. It has taken a long time, but there have been improvements. I have more control over my emotions now and I can wake up on most days feeling grateful about life. 🙂
After all, every day is a new beginning. So for the new month ahead, here’s my tarot card prediction:
While you may still have a case of the blues in the early days of March, the month soon brings optimism, increased energy and excitement. You are intellectually sharp and imaginative. You feel that anything is possible and that the sky is the limit.
Against the background of self-reflection and soul-searching that’s such a major part of this year is this month’s sense of spring-time in your heart. This is an excellent time to take on new challenges in your career to start new endeavours.
Often, this month brings financial gain, but your attention is more directed
towards intellectual accomplishments. Your pride and self-esteem get a boost.
A more difficult aspect of this month is your relationship with loved ones. You
lack the necessary sensitivity to respond properly to the needs of those close to you. You are under the illusion that everyone feels the way you do; that
problems are only minor impediments that can be taken in stride. However, your optimistic attitude also inspires them and they grudgingly respect you for the way you handle things.
A romantic experience brings passion and excitement either late this month or
early next month.
Exciting times ahead! Wish me luck for my new beginning!