The way you think about a person

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Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are. — John Green

There are a lot of people out there who believe there’s an exact type of person who will have all traits to make them happy. These people want everything in their partner to be almost perfect — be it qualities, attributes, character, looks, career, gender, wealth, acceptance by the family, marriage eligibility, intelligence and so on.

But more often than not, these people who seek “perfection” in their partners are the toxic ones in a relationship. If they are unsatisfied with any aspect of you, they would withdraw into their world, be emotionally unavailable, temperamental, demanding and selfish that you will feel so alone and you start doubting if you were ever in a proper relationship with that person.

More often than not, these toxic people would fit whoever they happen to meet in their life at that particular moment in time to this ideal life-partner template they have in their mind. They may not care if that new person does not share similar values or common interests with them, because they are sucked in by the thrills and infatuations of a new relationship. Even if the person does not speak well, write well or dress well (basically falling below their usual standards), it would not matter to them. They become blinded and they adjust their standards, because they desperately want to be with someone new and to be in a relationship again; they want to be on par with their friends who are in committed relationships.

So the minute someone new comes along, they forget the priorities they once thought were important. Then after a while, when reality sets in and time unfolds the person’s true identity layer by layer, they realise it’s the same vicious cycle they are trapped in again. And they wonder why they are always in unhappy relationships.

Be careful of what you look for or even wish for. What you think is perfect now may not hold true weeks and months from now, because you keep forgetting what you really want, what you genuinely value and are looking for in the first place.

P/S: I know this has been a sombre post, so kudos to you if you finished reading the entire piece! This is why I should never write about my feelings when half-sleepy and half-determined to blog tonight, no matter what time it is (4:42am here btw). I still feel a dull aching pain in my heart. Please tell me I’ll be alright?

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