Sometimes you have to grieve on your own time

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“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” —Henry Ford

With the help of Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, it’s been so much easier to feel your heart breaking whenever you see a status or a picture posted by the one you love, because you know that whatever she did had nothing to do with you and was probably referring to someone new.

Sometimes we have to work things out on our own time. It’s much too easy to assume that our mind can easily move on and block those unhealthy thoughts from crowding our head at a snap of fingers, when in actual fact our emotions can’t keep up. This is a battle that logic doesn’t always win.

Whenever I’m tempted to text her again or to get a time machine to fix things (which is happening very frequently the past three weeks), I know there is this sense of regret that I can’t get over. Maybe I’m being selfish and presumptuous by thinking that we are meant for each other, when she might not even feel the same way.

Sometimes I do stupid things to myself. Sometimes I make stupid choices. Sometimes I miss out on chances that could make sure we can be together. Sometimes I keep thinking that my life would be so much better with you in it.

I have become highly distracted from work and my studies, because of this clutter in my head and I’m struggling to clear my thoughts and heal. Maybe I just want to reach out to you and get your attention and a response from you, just so I could feel better. Maybe it’s just to placate my ego. Maybe I just need some time away before I do something to worsen the misery I already feel.

The thing is closure can and should be done without having the other party’s acknowledgement. It’s about grieving in my own time.

I mean, what was I expecting to happen when I text her, hoping that she’d reply? That she would drop everything in her life and come back to me? That she would finally realise that we are meant to be together? That she would magically wake up and see me for who I am? It’s all a fantasy, isn’t it? Why am I even going back?

If you’ve moved on, I ought to respect your privacy. So yes, I need to grieve in my own time and let go.

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