Three years ago today

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Three years ago today was a wonderful night for me, because she said yes to be with me. I didn’t know then that was the start of a beautiful memory and a journey of subsequent pain with no destination in sight. I was so happy that night I could barely sleep, even though I had to wake up early for work the next day. I think it was around this time 1:15am in the wee hours of the night/morning, when she replied me on Whatsapp. You can read all about my romantically prosed happiness here. She used to tell me that I made her so happy that her life was full of rainbows, babies and laughter (you know, things that make you smile when you see them).

And with that in mind, I’m going on a (selective) social media diet. I’m cutting off all contact with Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and reduce my use of Whatsapp. I saw some upsetting updates from her a few days ago and I’m still recovering from the anguish.

It’s weird, huh? Everything is so accessible these days, especially if you have a good smartphone and high-speed 3G or wifi access. You can do almost anything (or nothing productive, depending on your perspective) on your mobile device. And I got this reminder from my meditation app today:

When you find yourself resisting something or someone, rather than look for a distraction, examine the resistance. There’s something valuable to be found. —Headspace

I thought it was rather apt for what I was going through. I was trying to resist both something AND someone. So it is with regret delight that I’m formally denouncing my absence from the above social media networks. I’ll probably log on in a few months’ time when my emotional health is restored to nearly 90% or I’ve become a drone.

I’ll still blog here and use my Weibo and WeChat, because those are the only things left that I feel comfortable with, since I won’t get to see updates that would still affect me. Maybe when I have finally regenerated my mana from the fountain of lightness… I will be okay reading about your life again.

Meanwhile during my virtual exile, I will continue practising mindfulness in my daily life. Meditating has been a good mental cushion for me.. I feel like most of the pain that I ought to be feeling has been dramatically blocked. The sensation is almost like how you’d feel when your ears are blocked and you can’t hear half the things being said to you. A force field for the mind? Hmm, well that’s the best metaphor you’re gonna get from me at 1:25am. Bite me!

P/S: I lied. I remember the time. It was 1:37am — the exact moment she replied me — the same time this blog post is published. I’m a fool for romance, isn’t it?

Photo credit: Molly Hahn via HuffingtonPost.com

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