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Bert’s and Ernie’s moment of joy

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I have always loved Sesame Street since young. It was a show I watched every day without fail—learning the alphabet of the day or seeing how the Count recite (sing?!) his numbers or laughing at how grouchy Oscar is whenever Big Bird and Mr. Snuffleupagus walk past his trash can.

I used to think that I would keep watching Sesame Street even when I’m all grown up. Obviously that didn’t happen. I did grow out of it. But the affection I have for my favourite character Ernie has never wavered—so much so that I even bought large and small soft toys of Ernie when I was younger. But I gave them all away years ago, because I am ultimately not a big fan of soft toys, no matter how plush and cuddly soft they are.

I like Ernie, because he’s always cheerful and quick to laugh, even when things go wrong. He has lots of crazy ideas that never seem to take off, but he keeps trying anyway. He’s so happy-go-lucky that it’s infectious. He’s also easily content! Singing with his rubber duckie is enough to make him happy! Come to think of it, Ernie is quite the bimbo. Ahem.

Anyway, my former best friend used to say I look and behave like Ernie. I’m tanned with a large squarish face that’s framed by messy out-of-bed hair. And truth to be told, I’m not the most intelligent among my friends. A bit of an airhead, my friends have told me since secondary school. So I was rather pleased to resemble Ernie. Haha!

As I grew older, people around started telling me that Bert and Ernie are gay, which was really a surprise to me because I’ve always thought they are simply two best friends who love each other’s company so much that they decide to stay together. And I remember being envious and wishing that one day I would have a close friend like that to stay together with.

So it doesn’t really matter to me whether they are gay or not… Because if you think about it, couples who stay together and love each other—whether they are straight or gay—are always best friends first.

After the US Supreme Court ruled in favour of same-sex marriage this week, I’m guessing Bert and Ernie are delighted about having their union finally being recognised by the law, as Jack Hunter lovingly illustrates on the cover of next week’s The New Yorker issue “Moment of Joy”.

“It’s amazing to witness how attitudes on gay rights have evolved in my lifetime,” said Hunter, who originally submitted his image unsolicited to a Tumblr page. “This is great for our kids, a moment we can all celebrate.”

I agree. The second I saw the image above, I went “Awwww”. It’s really sweet, huh? That particular moment of tenderness between Bert and Ernie… is a moment of joy anyone who has ever been in love can relate to.

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Love when you’re ready

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Are you a fan of one of my favourite shows this season? Well, you should be. If not, you better start watching Californication soon, because it fucking blows your mind. Quite literally at times, with the amount of swear words, drugs, sex, roll and rock and decadence and debauchery the producers can provide in an 30-minute episode.

I love this particular season finale Season 6, episode 12 of Californication: “I’ll Lay My Monster Down”. It was a mixed bag of emotions—some warm, sweet and lovely, some heartbreaking and forlorn because of unrequited feelings and unresolved issues.

Atticus Fetch: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can’t have her. How do you even get up in the morning?

Hank Moody: Well, the booze is always helpful, and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I’m with her, even when I’m not.

Breaks your heart, doesn’t it?

This scene reminded me of the times the numerous blogposts I wrote and have unknowingly dedicated to this particular someone I fell in love with the past three years.

Maybe we are not meant to be together in this lifetime, but it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about her or wondering what might have been. I’ve just managed to block her out of my mind for the time being, but I know that the second I allow the dams to burst, everything will come rushing out. So I keep all my thoughts hidden under a sea of calm, hoping that my memory will soon be erased (wishful thinking, I know, but you’d be amazed how time can dilute your memory). Maybe after a while, I wouldn’t even remember that this person once existed in my life.

I guess this is why I feel like I’m in a daze sometimes—lost and adrift in the middle of the sea—trying to find an anchor (or an idyllic island paradise) in my life. Do I really want to love someone again? Am I ready to let someone into my life again? These are questions I have no answers to.

Maybe that’s why I thought the quote above is apt for today.

Love when you’re ready; not when you’re lonely.

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The value of a moment

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“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” —Dr Seuss

It’s true, you know. Until moments and events become the past, you will never realise how much they had affected or influenced you.

More frequently than ever, especially in the past two weeks, I’ve been mentally kicking myself for letting the love of my life go. She was amazing, gorgeous, intelligent, humorous, with good fashion sense, a perfect body and an ability to whip up amazing meals. She was truly one of a kind and yet I let her go, because I couldn’t see how much she meant to me then.

Ever since then (and I really believe this is a curse she laid upon me after breaking her heart that one last time), I have never been able to trust or love anyone wholeheartedly. While others have loved, lost and found new loves, I’ve been stuck in quicksand but someone had set my drowning in slow-mo. I feel like I’m doomed to repeat my mistakes in relationships. Over and over again. This is one unpleasant Groundhog Day I wish I can wake up from and kick it out of my memory.

Still, there’s this sinking feeling in my heart that I can’t get rid of. I think I’m getting better though. I can’t really say how or why, but my mind is less cluttered. I might not seem to be doing anything important in my life right now… But at least I can feel myself healing emotionally.

It’s consciously telling myself that I will move on, instead of giving myself a hard time about the mistakes I made or things I should have done. It’s learning that I have to forgive myself and let go. There is no point in putting myself in “mental prison” for the past.

Yes, there are days when it’s harder than usual to let go or not dwell over the past… But I keep moving forward, no matter how long or slow it takes me to make that one tiny step. Progress is subjective; commitment to letting go is visceral. Wow, never thought I was such a deep thinker, eh?

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Monday is gonna be fine

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I was feeling bored the other day while waiting for others to finish their lunch that I suddenly exclaimed: “I think I have magical powers.” Eyes immediately turned to me.

“It’s true. I tried killing a cockroach last night but it disappeared without dying in front of my eyes, so before I went to sleep, I made a wish. I wished that the cockroach would show up dead, because I wanted to sleep in peace.

“And my wish came true! This morning, it was lying near my door looking very dead. See, my powers worked.”

I immediately felt that my colleagues’ eyes were trying not to roll themselves. “That’s not magic,” one of them said. And their attention started drifting off to their mobile phones.

And I laughed. What I failed to elaborate further was that the cockroach disappeared near the windows which were the opposite where the door was… So for a dead cockroach to appear in the morning at the opposite direction was really quite a miracle. I was truly convinced I had magical powers to do anything I wanted—I could command the law of attraction to get the Universe to do my bidding. I could almost hear myself cackling evilly.

“Maybe I will wish for money to drop from the sky next.” I grinned at my colleagues, thinking they were foolish to dismiss me.

I had no idea what I wanted to convey with my story, but I wanted to demonstrate 1) the power of thought; 2) what the universe can do for you; and 3) what you can achieve if you put your mind to it. Amazing huh?

So Mondays don’t always have to be associated with the blues. Mondays can be the days when anything you want will happen. Mondays can be joyful, but only if you allow happiness to be present. Start your Monday right and your whole week will be amazing, and maybe even magical. Why not, right? It’s “anything-can-happen” Monday.

P/S: I was chatting with my friend on Friday night and she asked how I was doing relationship-wise. I said I have moved on since a month ago when I was at my lowest and on the verge of breaking down. I told her I’ve stopped looking at things I shouldn’t and stayed away from things that were harmful to my mind. When I removed the things that were blocking my recovery, I recovered faster.

What I didn’t say was that meditation saved my mind too. It gave me clarity and a sense of calmness that lifted the heaviness in my heart. Maybe one day I’ll be less embarrassed to let more people know I meditate daily. Meanwhile, you should try meditating if you need some zen in your life.