Love actually

The beginning of two great days

I first wrote this post shortly after we came back and I updated subsequently several times on 2 and 17 January, 21 February, 4 April, 24 and 31 Dec last year as well as a few times this year. But finally on the fourth anniversary of starting this blog, I thought publishing this post would be rather apt. So here goes.

This pic was taken moments before the ferry set off to our next destination and 15 Dec 2010 was the beginning of two fucking great days.

I couldn’t sleep the night before excited and fearful of what was to come because the past few days had been a torment in more than one way. But really, we didn’t have to worry so much. Things picked up where we left off.

It started with home-made heart shaped pasta for breakfast. We were sitting there waiting for the ferry when she whipped out a tupperware box and said: “Breakfast!”

Now I love surprises a lot because it’s rare that I would be surprised since I would have figured it out beforehand or forced the information out of someone. And trust me, I was trying really hard, almost persistent, to get the info out from her the night before so this was a literally real treat.

The pasta had crab meat in slightly spicy tomato sauce and a little hard-boiled egg at the side. It was 8.55am and I can rave on and on about how delicious the pasta was and how I was grinning non-stop but I really hate to brag, Internet, because there is so much more to come.

We got up the ferry and started snapping photos of ourselves in our sunglasses. I tried to look suave and failed. If you ever saw me, you’d know I belong to the goofy genre, or as what she would always say, I have this general sheepish look all the time.

She was portraying a 60s look, although it could be the camera filter I was using that gave her that classic retro look. I thought she looked amazing. Then again, she always does and she knows how beautiful she is to me even if I would only say it silently in my heart.

Sleep was slightly hard to come by as we were distracted by Ice Age 3, playing on the big television screen. I couldn’t tell you much about the movie now, except it had mammoths and an irritating sloth which was trying to raise three T-Rexes. What I remember is it was nice holding hands, enjoying the cozy moments of her lying on my shoulder with my arm wrapped around her as the ferry gently churns its way across the sea.

When we arrived, we were almost immediately chauffeured to BYT where friendly staff, cold towels and a rather disgusting drink that was touted to be full of health benefits awaited us. After checking in, we were ushered to the spa room where we would be pampered, oiled, scrubbed and massaged for the next two hours. It was paradise on earth and if the world had ended then, I would have died the happiest person in the whole universe because I was with her.

We then retreated to our villa, where we chilled, rested, tumbled around, dined and napped in luxury. When we finally woke up, it was close to last order for dinner and we hurriedly got changed and headed down to a restaurant within BYT. The dinner was okay, because nothing could beat what happened back at our villa. We had champagne in a bucket, the jacuzzi turned on, some entertainment show playing on TV and a cheesecake that she made herself and had my initial on it. She also gave me what was probably a whole year’s supply of presents. I was so dumbfounded and touched and delighted that I couldn’t speak. Maybe she really loved me after all, in spite of what had happened in the past, I remember thinking. And I have never loved her more since then. The next few hours of our night were some of the best sleepless fun we ever had, and also censored from public viewing. Haha.

We woke up the next day to a splendid ocean view. In a half-awake stupor, I turned to look at her. And she looked at me and we smiled. I said: “I can wake up to this view every day. I can live like this forever.”

Because baby, you’re amazing just the way you are.

There’s this kind of love that sneaks up on you and softly taps you on your shoulder when you least expect it and hits you really hard. Every moment seems a little crazy and impossible at first — from the person you are with and how they make you feel to the new things you find yourself doing for them. You’re almost freaked out by the depth of love you feel growing within you and there are times you find your breath taken away or reach new levels of frustration. You might shrug your shoulders and say: ‘Maybe this won’t last at all, let’s just enjoy this for now and see where this takes us.’ But then one day, you realise you want this person more than anything else you have ever wanted in your entire life, because what both of you have is more than love. It’s proof that you fit together perfectly and that you are soulmates and how incredible lucky you are to have found each other out of seven billion people in the whole world. So yes, in spite of everything and even though how the passing of time is supposed to dilute our memories and feelings, I love you still.

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.” — Nicholas Sparks

Merry Christmas, everyone! 😀


Grow old with me

Grow old… and fat and rich along with me because we will always laugh together.

I first wrote half of this post on Oct 11, 2010 at 11.53pm after watching the episode Me and My Town in the season five of Desperate Housewives. It was the period when Gabrielle Solis was plump and frumpy from taking care of two daughters at home and Carlos was blind.

I thought I’d finish writing it tonight because I have been watching a few episodes from its eighth – and final – season recently. Plus, I have been laughing a lot these few days and feeling rather romantic.

In this episode I watched two years ago, Gabrielle goes to the hospital to visit Carlos and she is informed there’s a bone fragment impinging his optic nerve. But he could restore his vision in a month if it is removed. The couple are thrilled, but Gabrielle is nervous about how he will think she’s ugly when he can see.

She comically tries to argue against having the surgery so soon, but to no avail. With no time to get back into shape the old-fashioned way, she panics and confesses her fears to Carlos. She tells him to be prepared that she is no longer as beautiful as she was.

He replies that she will always be beautiful to him and he tells her a story about the first time he knew he was going to be with her forever. It was also the night he proposed to her. He had taken Gabby out for ribs, and from the way he describes it, it sounds like she did her best T-Rex impression at dinner.

Carlos: “I knew I was going to marry you the night we went to that restaurant on 3rd Street.”

Gabrielle: “I remember that place.”

Carlos: “You wore a white linen sundress and [chuckles] you ordered this giant plate of ribs. And you ate them with such gusto – up to your elbows in barbecue sauce, meat hanging from your teeth and grease in your hair. And when it was all over, I pointed out what a mess you were.

“You pulled out your mirror, took a look at yourself, and just let out this huge, happy, totally unrestrained laugh. The room was completely filled with it, and I thought to myself: ‘Now *that* is a sound I’d like to hear the rest of my life.’ That’s why I proposed to you. And it had nothing to do with your looks.”

Gabrielle: “You know when I decided I wanted to be with you forever?”

Carlos: “No. When?”

Gabrielle: “About 30 seconds ago. [kisses Carlos] Up until then, it was pretty touch and go.”

Heh, I went awwwww at that scene. It reminded me of how I enjoy listening to you laugh whenever we spend time together because knowing that I am the one making you happy makes me happy too.

You know how it feels when you know you want to hear the same laughter for the rest of your life? I do.


Closer to me

Listening: Closer to me by Blank & Jones – I wrote this on 10 July last year. Updated on 15 August 2010. Added more stuff on and off. Finally decided to publish it today.

Have you ever had a weekend that was so awesome you find yourself reliving the best moments over and over again – whether you’re at work or at in public – and then you find yourself grinning stupidly? And when you realise you’re grinning stupidly, you try to stop grinning but you end up grinning even more because you’re so damn happy and the thought of you grinning because of those moments makes you happier? No? Right, it’s just me then.

At the end of the first week of June, I was on the tail end of my holiday in Shanghai and she was returning from Christchurch, New Zealand. We had spent hours talking on the phone before that – she bought a 24-hr Internet access card to talk to me while I used up my Skype credits to call her hotel – and it still wasn’t enough for both of us. Our schedules had coincided such that when we were talking over Skype about how much we miss each other, we decided to cut short my holiday and book a weekend getaway to make up for the 1.5 weeks of not seeing each other. Change of flight timing, ferry tickets and hotel room were booked all within 15 hours.

It was the best decision we ever made that month.

She welcomed me home at the airport with a soggy chicken bun (and glutinous rice, if I remember correctly) because my flight was delayed and we went home together, excited about the next day.

When she picked me up in a cab at midday, I passed her my white Ray Ban shades and we started comparing how fascinatingly gorgeous the scenery looks through the lenses. (Ok I might have been the only who thought so while she nodded along.) Let’s just skip forward to the more exciting parts now, shall we?

We checked in at the resort, dropped our luggages in the room, looked at each other, paused and jumped on the bed. We had woken up really early for this after all. Oh wait, the first thing she did when she put down her bag was to take out a pair of disposable slippers because we are similar in that sense that we can’t have our feet touch unfamiliar – therefore dirty- ground. We also ordered room service in between. So we ate, cleaned up and here comes the best bit… We cuddled, snuggled and made out until we spent every single moment of the entire afternoon and evening away. We finally fell asleep, exhausted.

Then we woke up just nice for a really late dinner and we almost couldn’t get the shuttle bus in time. We had crayfish, some green leafy vegetables and some meat, I reckon. We were really full after that. Immobilised. But really, what we did when we returned to our room after dinner was much more exciting. Ahem.

The minute she went off to shower, I opened the door as quietly as I could and I ran like the wind, well as fast as my full stomach can handle it, to the front office. I saw the lone front reception staff and I started speaking incoherently from my breathlessness. Thankfully, the kind person could understand from my wild gesturing that I needed ice, loads of ice urgently and within five minutes, I ran back like the wind with a bagful of ice cubes. The coast was clear. She was still in the shower.

You see, few hours earlier when she was out in the balcony shortly after we checked in, I had washed two glasses and placed them along with a bottle of champagne I secretly sneaked past the customs into the fridge. Now the surprise is ready to be unveiled.

But I was really paranoid that she would discover the champagne when I went to shower so I took it out and hid it behind the cushions on the couch. I thought I was smart. I wasn’t.

When I came out smelling nice and fresh, she was already out on the beach, lying in the hammock. The moon, high above us, was particularly bright that night. I walked to her with the champagne and two glasses discreetly behind my back and said, “Look what I found.”

“You’re so sweet.”

I sat in with her in the hammock and we opened the bottle. As we said cheers to the sweet bubbly, she said, “Actually, I saw it earlier under the cushions.”


“I didn’t mean it. I thought I misplaced your Ray Bans so I was looking for it and I found it. But I put it back nicely.”

By now, I was rather gutted for the failed surprise.

“But I like it. You’re so sweet for thinking of surprising me.”

And as we lay in the hammock under the moonlight, we kissed. And we kissed again. And again as the waves rolled towards us from a distance. The night belonged to us and us only.

If someone had told me kisses were sweet before tonight, I would not have believed them. But tonight, with the combination of sparkling wine, tingling ice cubes and the soft moonlight shining on us, when our lips met, our kisses were sweeter than you can possibly imagine.

We headed back into the room soon after. And kids, some things are best left to your imagination.

Memorable items: Tissue undies, champagne, hammock, the waves, ice cubes, moonlight, sexy soundtrack.

When I made love to you that night, this song was playing. If ever there should be a perfect soundtrack for lovemaking, this song would be it.


You’re amazing just the way you are

On 29 December, she sent me an email after we had one of the most awesome dates ever the day before. We had so much fun that we kept reliving those moments even the day after. Just to keep you slightly in the loop, there were a movie, yummy prawn toasts, aromatherapy massages, oysters, champagne and loads and loads of passionate kissing. Ok, I can’t kiss and tell you everything now, but let me emphasise on the “AWESOME” part again. IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!!

She must have been so excited because she called me the minute she pressed “send” so I could check her email immediately. She then told me this song was playing that night when we were in the cab and I hadn’t even noticed.  And even though it was 3.15am in the morning and I was still sleepy, as I watched the video while reading the lyrics, I couldn’t stop smiling. My girl is just so adorable.

Bruno Mars
Just The Way You Are

Oh her eyes, her eyes;
Make the stars look like they’re not shining.
Her hair, her hair;
Falls perfectly without her trying.

She’s so beautiful;
And I tell her every day.

Yeah; I know, I know,
When I compliment her
She won’t believe me.
And it’s so, it’s so
Sad to think that she don’t see what I see.

But every time she asks me “do I look okay?”,
I say:

When I see your face,
There’s not a thing that I would change.
Cause you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for a while.
‘Cause girl you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.

Yeah, Her lips, her lips;
I could kiss them all day if she’d let me.
Her laugh, her laugh;
She hates but I think it’s so sexy.
She’s so beautiful,
And I tell her every day.

Oh you know, you know, you know
I never ask you to change.
If perfect’s what you’re searching for
Then just stay the same.

So, don’t even bother asking
If you look okay;
You know I say:

When I see your face,
There’s not a thing that I would change.
‘Cause you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for a while.
Cause girl you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.

The way you are.
The way you are.
Girl you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.

When I see your face,
There’s not a thing that I would change.
‘Cause you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for a while.
‘Cause girl you’re amazing,
Just the way you are.


And you, baby, are just as awesome.

God’s gift to mankind

I’m about to share with you a snippet of a recent online conversation with one of my ex-girlfriends that still gives me great joy whenever I replay it in my head.  You’re welcome.

This one pinged me after seeing my new status which read, “I’m sorry I’m so darn perfect.” on my instant messenger.

Ex-girlfriend: So you’re little Miss Perfect now, aren’t you?

Me: Why, of course.

Ex-gf: Yeah yeah, you really think you’re God’s gift to mankind, don’t you?

Me: Oh come on, you know I am. Admit it.

Ex-gf: I refuse! You’re not!

Less than a minute later…

Ex-gf: Ok fine. I will admit it. You are God’s gift to mankind. Always have been.

Me: Hahaha! Finally.

Ex-gf: I see you haven’t lost any of that self-confidence over the years.

Me: Why should I when we both know it’s true?

Ex-gf: Hmmm… Arrogant but confident. I like.

Me: I know.

Ex-gf: So how’s life? Are you in Singapore now?

Ex-gf: You there?

And her messages echo through the hollow halls of the virtual world while I’m too busy getting a life… Aw yeah!


Little Lego

I spent a beautiful evening watching her build little Lego out of tiny Lego bricks that were specially bought from Hokkaido, Japan. It was part of my birthday goodie bag and I love that she enjoyed studying the instruction manual intently and sorting the coloured bricks one tiny stack at a time. They were freakishly tiny!! I was asked to time her and she clocked somewhere under 45 minutes once she fixed the last brick in.

We even had time to decide on the colour of Lego’s nose and add some festive colour to his paws since it was nearing Christmas.

We gave little Lego bigger brown ears and a longer wagging tail because that’s how Lego looks like IRL (in real life). There are even some mock dry kibbles in his food bowl.

It was a great day for toys in so many different ways.

Definitely not drawn to scale.


1, 2, 3, 4

Whenever she sleeps over on a weekday, I would consciously set my alarm clock about half hour later than usual so we could sleep in for a bit.

I’d make sure she is more than comfortable when she is with me. Fetch her slippers when her shoes are off, turn the air con on immediately so she won’t be warm, make her a snack if she is hungry, get her water without her asking, cook for her at any time of the day or night, feed her during meal times, remove the crab shell for her, peel crab meat and put it in her bowl, play scissors paper stone with her, let her hit me when she wins (and hit her back but not too hard when I win), get the set of pyjamas for her, turn to her favourite channels, let her have baobei, give her the better pillows, take pimple cream for her when she throws tantrum in the middle of the night, make her eat medicine when her tummy aches, turn the air con temp lower when she is warm, turn the fan off when it gets too cold for her, cover her up when she says her legs are cold, give her my hand when she gestures for it, hold her to sleep by curling my arm around her side with my face in her hair, kiss her all over her face randomly (or to wake her up), play kokology with her, watch serious documentaries with her, lean over and smell her pyjamas, tell her she smells nice, chase her around the room, let her chase me around the room, wrestle each other until we can’t catch our breath, let my face go really close to her face so we can kiss, talk about random stuff, gossip about work, talk about (sometimes make fun of) family and friends, pause when I hear funny noises from her tummy, laugh together with her when that happens, blow bubbles on her, squeeze her cheeks, tell her how tasty I think her cheeks are, describe how I’d cook them, make her laugh with my silly pyjamas colour combination, laugh at her when she wears my emperor pyjamas, roll away in embarrassment when she says “1, 2, 3, 4”, and let her comfort me and tell me she likes my “1, 2, 3, 4”.

And in the morning, I will wake up immediately to turn the alarm off so she wouldn’t be disturbed and I can continue snoozing. (Sometimes I would keep turning the snooze alarm off and hold her until the latest possible moment.) I try to be really quiet as I get ready for work so she can sleep a little longer. When I enter the room sniffing, she will stir and offer to turn the fan off. Sometimes she’d be awake to look at me. Sometimes I am happy just looking at her sleep. I will creep into bed when I am done to surprise her with a kiss, or two or many many kisses and watch her wake up in shock struggling to open her sleepy eyes and then see her grin when she realises what is happening.

And every time, when I see her smile so blissfully, all I want to do is to lie in with her and hold her tight because I like how she fits so nicely in my arms.

I guess what I am trying to say is I want to do this everyday with her because I am so in love with her. It would be so nice if she feels and wants the same things as I do.

P/S: I’m currently wearing my emperor pyjamas with a bright red starry silky boxers. Ahem.


They don’t love you like I love you

[On 9 Dec] It’s that time of the year again where you can see snowflakes gently falling across every WordPress blog and it’s soothing for the mind, especially a mind like mine.

I have a tiny heart*. And I tend to keep it under wraps for fear someone might find it one day and viciously crush it for no reason other than it’s probably fun for them. And I do not have a spare heart lying around like loose change or tins of cookies.

So please take care of my heart if you ever find that it is yours to keep.

[Update 10 Dec] I lost my wallet, the very same one that I’ve used for seven years, this morning. I am distraught and almost inconsolable. Discovering the loss at lunch meant I had no mood to eat from that moment on.

There are wads of cash in there that I was going to use for some “birthday” and Xmas shopping, new credit cards that I should have done what she suggested and leave one at home instead of carrying both out, some old currency notes my mum gave me for keepsake, my identity card (which is going to cost me $300 to replace), my driving license ($50 to replace), my gym card, an arcade token card but what I think I was also most gutted about losing was a note that had a list of her favourite food and some old lottery tickets we bought previously. Then again, I could also be gutted about losing an estimated $250 (or more). I have no idea what else is inside because my mind is numb and I still can’t believe my stupidity or carelessness.

I want to run home now and cry into my pillow. Except I have to continue working because there is no one to cover me. Yet.

I then told my mate about it and he was like, “Was it a Bottega?”

“No. It was a JPG and I had it for seven years!”

“I had a little scissors I had for nine years and I had to give it up at the security customs. They asked me if I wanted them to throw it away or if I wanted to throw it away myself.”

We then stared at each other forlornly, understanding the intimate pain of losing something that was probably not high in monetary value, but high in sentimental value.

Arghhhhhhhhh… I am so fucking gutted.

In other news, I got a free “pro bono” haircut on account of me being penniless, card-less, ID-less and very fucking sad.

*According to classroom legend, the size of your heart is roughly the size of your clenched fist. In a diagram not drawn to scale, that makes my fist about 20 times smaller than me. Which is tiny.


What if I’m right?

I want to be a billionaire… so fucking bad. Ok, I’d be happy being a millionaire even. Or a hundred-thousand-naire. I wouldn’t mind tens of thousands of dollars either.

Today, someone wasn’t sure about me as a prospective partner because it seems I like living my life a day at a time. What load of crock. I have ambitions but I am sure as hell not going to broadcast them to the whole world. Maybe only to you, Internet, because you have been a kind therapist this entire time I have been sobbing my heart out to you.

I am now convinced more than ever I need a vacation away. Or I could list down the 10 things I’d do before I turn 30. That could be my new longish-term goal in life.

My mid-term goal is grooming a good team at work so I can … how do I put this delicately… Shake my legs and have a cup of mojo [milo+coffee] at my desk while I leave the daily grind to them. Sounds awesome, innit! I know right. I can’t wait for that day to come too.

If someone said they love you, would you be happy just knowing they love you, or would it matter to you the reasons why?

After getting the long awaited hint, I asked someone to be my girlfriend in the middle of one night (somewhere before the end of first week of December). I made a touching speech – listing the reasons why that wonderful girl should be mine and what I would do for her because I feel so so much for her. There was a bit of tears.

But in the end, it didn’t matter because … Anyway it was a traumatic night. I have blocked most details of that night out. It was just too heartbreaking to keep in my memory. I wonder if she even remembered what I said.

So I fell in love, a I-had-no-idea-it-could-be-like-this kind of love. I didn’t plan for it but it happened anyway and there were times with her when I was the happiest I had ever been. Suddenly, falling in love and spending time with someone you think the world of was very exciting and it felt so real because it seems that person might actually feel the same way. It was amazing and made me fall even harder in love.

I have kinda always think that any relationship can work as long as both people involved really want it to work, and both of them make staying together one of their topmost priorities. It is scary because you have to trust with everything you’ve got that someone feels the exact same way as you. So if they change their mind, you’re essentially fucked.

Which is basically what happened to me.

It turns out there were so much uncertainties that were brought to my attention that night and I didn’t have the energy to continue dealing with them. Whatever I wanted to say, even if I did, I could still do no right in her mind.

Things should not be this hard. I woke up in the morning and I couldn’t figure out why things were the way they were. Then I very clearly remember turning around in that moment to hold her to sleep and I felt her snuggling back in my arms and you know what, it just felt right.



It’s amazing how Cher’s greatest hits [disc two] have been narrating my life the past one week. I would hit play the minute I walk out the door in the morning and Cher would tell me, “Where does it end?”

I don’t know, Cher. Do you know what I am going through?

“There’s no peace, you close your eyes. I’m all out of truth, I’m outta alibis.”

What would you do, Cher?

“We’re gonna love one another ’til morning comes. Seek the sweet salvation for what we’ve done. Give up resisting one by one.”

Why, Cher? Because like you, she gives a new kinda meaning to what I am and I know I could never love any other?

“One of these days you’ll understand,” she sings before getting shuffled to the next song.

Yes, I have somehow managed to link her songs to the events that have occurred to me. Maybe this has happened to you. It’s like how brokenhearted people would listen to sad love songs on repeat and think “OMG, I totally feel like that. This song gets my pain!” And they’d cry their eyes out like little girls.

Yeah yeah, whatever. But I mustn’t be mean now because I found a great song that was the story of my life late last night (more like early this morning).  I guess this makes it a much better reply than whatever I had wanted to say.

Now I hardly ever listen to Chinese pop songs because I never had time to sit down to properly understand what these Mandopop factories are churning out other than beautifully-packaged singers, who may or may not have the ability to sing at all.

Until I found this song that has been translated by one kind YouTube user, who by the looks of it, has plenty of spare time. Go on, press play. You won’t feel it now but the song will hit you hard in time to come.

I have been listening to this song on repeat by clicking play non-stop on YouTube the entire morning. I should stop now. I can feel the ache in my heart again.