I have been single for so long I have forgotten what it’s like to be with someone and the feeling of being in love. I have a feeling i have forgotten how to flirt too. No, I’m not depressed. I’m just puzzled. Is being a relationship an “end all be all” thing you must do in your life? Is your life only fulfilled by someone else?
Many of my friends and colleagues are seemingly happy with their other halves. Hell, even my former girlfriend seems to have found someone she clearly wants to be with and is extremely happy with. Maybe he fulfils everything on her checklist, has her parents’ approval and meets her criteria for an eventual “happily ever after” marriage with plenty of children. Yes, it cuts me just thinking about it or seeing any photographic evidence. It makes me wonder if she was ever in love with me and if she truly wanted to be with me. Probably not.
The devil in me obviously said: “Good riddance to that emotional immature wreck and that I should be happy that someone has finally taken her off my hands and that I’m free from her numerous taxing issues and that she has finally met someone who is at her childish level.” Woah, there are many “that” in that sentence alone. And wow, the devil in me is super vindictive.
Back to the point I’m making. I am largely numb from the pain I had felt over the past two years. After all, I feel much lighter (mentally) now that I am not tormented from the hoops she used to make me go through. Maybe I wasn’t ready for her. Maybe I wasn’t emotionally strong to handle her. Maybe i wasn’t right for her. And if a relationship was taking its toll on me and was difficult since the beginning, it should have been a cue for me to run far far away from her the first chance I got. Like what my friends Jean and Qiqi warned me from the start. My excuse to all my friends who saw me in anguish and tears during the entire relationship was that I love that girl too damn much to let go. Silly huh?
She was my muse in all my writing — every column I wrote for work and every post I wrote on this blog was dedicated to her. Even now, there are still traces of her in my memory, in my life and in the things I do. See why it had been so hard for me to let go? I had dug myself into a hole so deep I became claustrophobic and lost my way back to the entrance.
I still want my Kokology book back from her though. She said she would send it back to me, though she did add the caveat that she would do it when she’s free. A cuss word is right at the tip of my tongue now. Refrain!!! Ok, refrained. I hate it when my ex-girlfriends keep something of mine and not return them. Annoying. Especially so, when they usually take things that I like and cherish. Not to mention a piece of my heart.
‘There’s a moment in every relationship, when romance gives way to reality.’ —Carrie Bradshaw
That’s when you know a relationship isn’t working out. So, it’s ok if you are single. You don’t really need someone to “complete” you. The world does not require you to make more babies. Overpopulation is already a serious issue for governments and there are already too many children around living in poverty. Stop adding to it. The world does have limited resources to support a population of seven billion — a number that is still growing every day. Besides, being single means more time to spend with your family, your friends and even your beloved dog (or cat). Most importantly, you get to be yourself and love who you are and enjoy being you.
With this, I’d like to end my piece on being single with these surprising deep and very apt quotes from Sex And The City.
‘Later that night, I got to thinking about fate — the concept that we’re not responsible for the course of our lives, that it’s all predestined, written in the stars. Maybe that explains why, if you live in a city where you can’t see the stars, your love life tends to feel more random.
‘Even if every kiss, every heartache is pre-ordered from some cosmic catalogue, can we still take a wrong step and wander off our personal Milky Way? I couldn’t help but wonder: can you make a mistake and miss your fate?’ —Carrie Bradshaw
Maybe you were my mistake, maybe we were meant to be but I screwed it up, maybe it wasn’t the right time for us, maybe we will meet again someday, maybe we will be the best of friends, maybe we will fall in love with each other some time down the road. Or maybe, just maybe, you were meant to only pass through my life and teach me a valuable lesson about myself, while I was meant to bring joy, laughter and rainbows into your life at a point in time when you really needed to be happy again. No matter what happened between us, there will always be a fragment of you hidden in a crevice of my heart. You’re the secret I would whisper into a tree and let the wind take the memory of us to a parallel world where we would be together looking at the same stars every night.
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love … or be who we are.
After all, seasons change. So do cities.
People come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart.’ —Carrie Bradshaw
NB: Yes, I’m a sucker for Sex And The City! I’ve been watching the reruns almost daily at 9:30am. It’s so fascinating to see how the show had influenced all the girls in the late 90s to early 2000s. The concept of love, sex, relationships and dating has definitely shifted since then. Whether it had been a good influence is still debatable.