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My 30th birthday is approaching

Hi there! I created this blog post on 16 October and did a draft, but didn’t feel like it was good enough to be published. So I thought I’d give myself one more month to let my thoughts incubate a bit more before I let you read my inner, deepest, darkest, funniest thoughts. Heh.

I know I don’t update this blog regularly as much as I said I would, but there are just times when I don’t know what to write about or that I know what I want to say but I have difficultly expressing my thoughts eloquently. Irony, I know. So I feel that the wisest thing to do sometimes is not write or talk at all if I have nothing to say or can’t think coherently.

So it’s 16/17 November today (depending on which time zone you’re in). And in around 30 days or so, it’d be my 30th birthday. Which means I’ve revolved around the sun 30 times. Mind-blowing, I know.

It’s also Ludwig van Beethoven’s birthday. He would have been 242 years old. Or may have never been born if his mother had chosen to abort him because she was afraid that he’d be disabled, according to urban myths. Thankfully, she allowed him to live and create some of the best classical compositions I’ve ever listened to.

My favourite compositions are Moonlight Sonata and Fur Elise. Have a listen, if you haven’t already. I remember the emotions that overcame me when I first heard them. It was as though I could feel the pain he went through when he could not be with the girl he had loved dearly and because of the love he felt for her, he wrote and dedicated this sonata for her. Lovely.

AND 16 December was also the day when The Boston Tea Party occurred! Ok, that was not so positive. Moving on…

So apparently if you did a Google search, turning 30 is really a big deal for almost everyone. Seriously, there are about 530,000,000 results online helping you dissect why the number 30 is scary. So you’re not alone. There are millions of people who are freaking out just like what you are doing right now. Not me, I am feeling pretty calm.

But I guess the biggest questions on my mind are: “What have I achieved in the past 30 years? What can I be proud of? What should I do from now? Do I have any regrets? Am I happy? Have I fulfilled my life goals? Am I leading a meaningful life?”

OK, now I get why turning 30 can be depressing.

I had two of the most memorable birthday celebrations when I was 28 and 29 with this girl who I think the world of (nearly half of the blog posts here are written about or for her). I try not to let my mind wonder about how my 30th birthday celebration would be like. It’s better to focus on the present for now. And whatever will be, will be.

But just like the quote above, I hope all the wisdom and inner peace I’ve been seeking my whole life, especially more fervently in the past year, will miraculously appear when I finally hit 30. And stay tuned for my upcoming ’30 for 30′ series of posts in the run-up to my big day. Yay.

[Image via The Creative Paige]

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Right here waiting

I got home late last night and was all tired out when I finally fell into bed. As usual, the TV was on and I managed to catch the last few minutes of popular American comedy How I Met Your Mother before sleep engulfed me. It was the 23rd episode “As fast as she can” of the fourth season and it was poignant for me in many ways.

I used to think I want to be like Barney – awesome, hilarious and free-loving with a bevy of ladies to choose from. Then I saw the episode last night and I realise there is a Ted in all of us, even if we try so hard to deny it.

Ted has been trying very hard for the longest time to get over his ex-girlfriend who broke his heart. He was also hoping to kick-start his flagging career to distract himself from the pain. Then one day after a series of incidents and at his most dejected moment, he finally admitted it out loud – a thought that has been on his mind for the longest time.

Ted: Okay, I am going to say something out loud that I’ve been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen. I am waiting for it to happen. I guess I’m just tired of waiting. And that is all I’m going to say on that subject.

Stella: I know that you’re tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but she’s on her way, Ted. And she’s getting here as fast as she can.

You know what, I feel the exact same way as you, Ted, and I know exactly what you are going through even if I haven’t quite said it out loud yet.

So here goes. Hi you, yes you, I’m right here waiting for YOU, whoever you are and wherever you may be. Godspeed.

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Absolutely dashing rockstar

I came home feeling dejected with how things are going at work. I genuinely love what I do but staring at the never-ending pile of work I have to do myself and having to force myself to proofread crappy copy is giving me a throbbing headache everyday… oh god, I don’t know how long I can hold onto my sanity for. Even my appetite ran away in disgust.

At this rate, I am doubtful to say I won’t break down any time soon because I am really gripping myself every time I open a word file and the incompetence I see is wearing down my willpower. Fast. Is there another word for “help” because somehow I don’t think the word sends you guys enough urgency about how much angst and fear I am buried under? HELP? Save me? Put on my best devoted face and trust that the skies will part now and angels will descend to shower me with perfumed petals and serenade me with their sweet melodious voices?

Ok, I waited a full minute. If the miracle didn’t happen, it’s only because I lack faith and positivity, right?

What?! It’s only Tuesday. Let me be. October is only halfway done with me before it spits me out like a tasteless rubbery piece of gum. No, seriously. I feel so drained even alcohol wouldn’t be enough to give me that irrational zest of life you get from drinking too much.

So I came home and looked through my old Moleskin diaries to find a life list I wrote four and a half years ago. Instead I found this self portrait sketch I drew when I was bored one day at work and I was feeling pretty awesome about myself that day. Like, what’s new right?

Absolutely dashing.

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Sign of a premium smoking spot

Whenever I want to take the train, I would have to walk past a group of tables and benches on the way to the station. Other than a resting spot for the elderly and people who can’t be arsed to walk, these benches are also a premium smoking spot, a gathering of like-minded who enjoy taking a drag or two… thousand puffs.

This is The Imaginarator’s impression of the unofficial smoking corner. Incidentally, I also like to put forth the theory that this is probably how clouds form.

When does condensation starts?

When does condensation start?

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The Imaginarator needs a braincation!

brain·ca·tion (brn-kshn, v-)

n.

1. When your brain decides to devote a period of time to pleasure, rest or relaxation. Usually after one has completed shitloads of work.

2. A holiday for the overworked mind.

3. An unfixed period of rest hours, where the brain suspends all mental activities during work to avoid doing work.

4. Archaic The act or an instance of the mind vacating the body.

After slogging through what seems like forever*, my brain went into overdrive together and finally decided to shut down. Today. During work. A mental off day, it demanded. So I spent my full nine hours pretending to be thinking hard about work with occasional furious typing and lots of scribbling. All the while, my brain was happily snoozing on a nice big comfy bed.

*I don’t care if the Gregorian calendar says 10 days, it probably never had to work a day in its Gregorian life.

Feel free to regale me with your mental off days in the comments below.
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The Last Day of 2008

Hard saying no to 2009

Try saying no to 2009

Today, Imaginarator is not ready to crawl over that cruel border which marks year 2009 and here’s why with a deep sigh and a heavy heart:

a) Getting older

b) Getting older still and finally

c) OMG getting older, really?

That said, there are highlights I am grateful for and I’ve kindly listed them down for your reading pleasure.

  1. Started 2008 with three little poppers
  2. Laid on a new bed for the first time
  3. Received an unexpected Valentine’s Day gift
  4. Had one of the tastiest  pizzas ever
  5. Whiskey dry
  6. Discovered the show House
  7. Received its DVD boxset as a gift
  8. The Bucket List and The Secret
  9. Acquired a regular haunt for wine
  10. Discovered the joys of conversation and wine
  11. Had one of the best Japanese meals ever
  12. Rewatched Will & Grace
  13. Was given a heartfelt confession
  14. Went cycling and swimming
  15. Caught the best magic show ever
  16. Visited a lovely alfresco bar accessible by car only
  17. Rice and double-boiled soup
  18. Chose clothes for someone else
  19. Found the best pizza delivery place
  20. Long walks
  21. Steak dinner at a hawker centre
  22. Quality times at the arcade
  23. Watched three awesome concerts
  24. Attended the first Grand Prix
  25. Much love for Kylie
  26. Friends who nursed your heart willingly
  27. Received two handmade bags as birthday gift
  28. Wrote more substantially for work than ever
  29. Received praises and promises of rewards for it
  30. Living in the most severe credit crunch of our generation

Now that the list is done, it’s time to get out of the office as quickly as possible. If you are reading this still, I’m off now. Happy New Year and may 2009 top whatever highlights 2008 had to offer!*

*Rest assured Imaginarator will be back at the desk by tomorrow evening for the next update. Soberness not guaranteed.

Feel free to leave your wellwishes, 2008’s highlights or reasons why time should stand still now in the comments below.

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Tuesday’s Six Pack

Only if you ask nicely

Only if you ask nicely

This morning, Imaginarator was impressed by the cleverness of lighting while stretching lazily in front of the mirror.

Turns out, when the light hits at a certain angle on that exact spot where Imaginarator was standing, one can see a glorious beginning of defined abdominal muscles*. Yes, you heard that right. Imaginarator is developing a set of menacing ripped abs and it is not afraid to flaunt them**.

*One must also take into account that Imaginarator was carefully tilting its body with arms stretched out. Oh, and absolutely refusing to exhale.

**At appropriate timings i.e. when the sun hit the right spot and before breakfast.