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The first step towards getting somewhere

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“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” —Unknown

Very true and wise, don’t you think? I’m been feeling so lazy recently it’s crazy how one can just lay in bed all day watching TV and playing on the iPhone. I’ve lost that bit of motivation somewhat in waking up early to have breakfast and get started on existing work or driving for more new business. I’ve been too … comfortable. And it scares me.

I recently attended a course on entrepreneurship, which discusses about the types of entrepreneurs, entrepreneurial traits and whether they are born with the qualities and if their circumstances that made them that way. It was a good module, because I finally learned how to spell “entrepreneur” correctly without struggling after the “p” part. Haha! But seriously, it taught me to look at myself — my behaviour in general, my attitude towards situations or people and my surroundings — and I have determined that I currently lack drive, because I’ve been too comfortable with life.

I still read a lot, but I’m not progressing any further with the new information and knowledge I’ve been absorbing like a sponge. I’m on a plateau and I need a push off it. I need to remind myself how thrilling it is to be filled with vigour in clinching new business, the pride in churning out quality work before the deadlines and (this is the most important bit) the joy in receiving that paycheque at the end of it.

Deep down, I know I’m born to do more with my time in this world. But the only way for me to do that is to stop sitting on (actually, it’s lying down most of the times) the plushy bed and get up (to work on the computer) to do stuff — useful things that will lift me up from the plateau to the peak of a menacing-looking mountain with a nice snowy cap. Perhaps I should take notes from a true entrepreneur, Richard Branson, who wanted more in life and dared to set up so many businesses and challenged the norm and was not afraid to fail and keep trying. In doing so, he became a knight for his bravery in the corporate world. Maybe if I ever falter and revert back to lazy mode, I should just keep asking myself: “WWRBD (What would Richard Branson do)?”

Sounds like a great doable plan. I have a totally smug expression now. If only you could see me now.

Right, so it’s five minutes more before my alarm rings for me to get ready for one full day of work. I’m gonna head out there to try seizing the day for myself. I hope this blog post has sort of inspired you to do the same. Carpe diem!

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Are you loving the pain?

I love putting my iPhone playlist on shuffle mode at times and letting technology play great tunes I may not have listened to yet (even though they have been in there for ages!). And shuffle mode was how I came across this gem on Thursday (27 September 2012) evening. It’s delightful, catchy and pop-ish soothing with simple lyrics and the right amount of ’emo’. The best part is I don’t even remember how it was in my phone in the first place.

So you must really listen to this single ‘New Age’ by British singer Marlon Roudette. I kept playing it on loop that night as I walked home. And I am playing it on loop on YouTube now. Find out why.

Are you loving the pain, loving the pain?
And with every day, every day I try to move on.
Whatever it was, whatever it was, there’s nothing now.
You changed. New Age.

I’m walking away from everything I… had.

P/S: Ooh! I just remember that I was feeling sad that evening and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, so this song was there to cheer me up at the right time. I felt slightly better after that. And I forced myself to get a grip of myself and my emotions, because staying strong and being optimistic are things I have to constantly tell myself to be good at.

Then I realised the solution was easy; all I had to do was walk away from it all. I shouldn’t have to waste my precious time thinking about her and losing myself in the process.

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Life is too short

I woke up around 4am last night and got the shock of my life when I looked in the mirror. There was a weird ugly person staring right at me. And we did not look remotely alike even though we were wearing the same clothes. The person in the mirror had huge bulging swollen red eyes and a bloated face. That was traumatising.

Few hours later, I still don’t look like myself. The person in the mirror still looked as horrifying as last night and I started wondering if this was a permanent look. I haven’t looked at the mirror since but I am not looking forward to it.

Whoever who coined the phrase “cry me a river” was certainly right on the mark. When you are heartbroken and you can’t stop crying, you will feel as though you have cried so much that your tears could fill up a river. Which led me to this…

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Agree?

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I will always love you

I’m sure all of you know by now that Whitney Houston has passed on. And there have been many theories to her cause of death or road to demise. Her drug-fuelled lifestyle and the negative influence of her ex-husband Bobby Brown has been well-documented over the years but in the past week there is a new theory (or rather I only heard about it today).

Now I only knew about this because I read on Twitter that the hit song “I will always love you” was actually dedicated to someone very close to Houston and it was not her husband.

The song, and in fact almost all of her albums, was dedicated to her best friend and former long-time assistant Robyn Crawford. They met when they were 16 and they soon become inseparable. They were the Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King of the 80s and rumours were rampant that the close relationship was more than platonic.

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Among the theories put forth was that Houston had to break up with Crawford and marry Brown to quash the lesbian rumours and it was the heartbreak from leaving her “one true love” that made her into an addict, not Brown’s influence.

So I went to research further and found this by user wowihateyou on the comments page off Gawker:

The night of the Grammys, 1988, I sat next [to] a magnificent woman, a little older than me, at the nail parlour on 54th Street between Lex and Park… I had no idea who she was. I was just admiring her clothes when the owner asked: “Whitney, are you going to the Grammys tonight?”

She left moments before I did and was greeted at the door by a small bookish looking lesbian with big black glasses holding paperwork. They went down the stairs before me. When I reached the landing, they were kissing passionately. No Bobby Brown could ever erase what I saw, which was true passion.

Gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell wrote in Daily Mail that when he first met Whitney and Robyn in 1991, “it was obvious they were madly in love”.

Their intimacy and affection was so sweet and romantic.

They held hands in the back of the car like teenage sweethearts. Clearly more than just friends, they were a gorgeous couple and so happy together. To see their love was infectious and uplifting.

Whitney was the happiest and at the peak of her career when she was with Robyn.

He summarised that Robyn was Whitney’s greatest love of all and giving her up led to her downfall. And I guess it kinda makes sense when you watch this video again. MAJOR GOOSEBUMPS.

If you have found someone who truly makes you happy and who cares about you deeply and always wants the best for you, I hope you would treasure the person and that both of you can grow old together, no matter what anyone or the society says. Love is love.

[Via Gawker, The Daily Beast and The Daily Mail UK]

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Calvin and Victoria and Quincy

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“Unusual downcast petals, much like those eyelashes.”

And those eyelashes she was referring to were mine. Heh.

It was 6 March when she took that picture. And Internet, that day was part of one of the best weekends we ever had.

We arrived at the quaint boutique hotel at 2pm after running our errands in the morning of 5 March.

Let’s digress a bit to our morning.

On our way to make my passport and identity card, we stopped by a shopping mall for my first unsweetened bubble tea experience. It was fascinating how a queue was in place even before the shop opened for business. We ordered and our ticket number was 29.

TWENTY PLUS NINE?! This meant that there were at least 28 people in front of us within an hour of that shop opening. I couldn’t believe it either.

Apparently, its unique selling proposition was that we can choose the level of sweetness in our drinks. That’s good for both of us, I guess, since we are a couple that prefers savoury meals over sweet ones.

By the time, we had our icy bubble drinks in our hands, we had to go straight to the traffic department to get my driving license done. The chewy “bubbles” were really addictive though. I can’t wait to try it again.

When we were waiting to collect the confirmation receipt for my license, she saw someone wearing a tee-shirt that had a tag line that said: “I’d do me.”

She immediately snapped a photo and uploaded it on Facebook with her witty quip: “I won’t.”

Everyone now. HAHAHA!

Well, let’s just say that person wouldn’t win any beauty pageant in our lifetime.

Now, back at the hotel after a slight tangent. A refreshing scent welcomed us as we walked into the lobby. It looked stylish, modern furnishes with splashes of cool grey, vibrant orange, pristine white and dark wood.

When we were discussing about our highly anticipated weekend getaway during our really yummy Korean dinner the night before, I told her if the room was really as awesome as what the hotel’s website described, I would strip my pants and run around the room with my arms in the air (Teng kor zhao).

We were not disappointed at all. The room, while small, was more than what we imagined. It was decorated in the way we envision our future bedroom to be like – cozy and yet sophisticated.

There was a king-sized bed with white covers and fluffy pillows. The desk, shelves and wardrobe were in smooth varnished white. The side tables were dark, matching the black LCD tv set, fridge and drawers along the wall. It was an impressive use of space. The closet door was linked to the bathroom so you or your clothes would be exposed when you’re using either one. The bathroom had a glass wall partition where we could see each other showering from the bed if we like. There were both a bathtub and a shower area. What really impressed me was that it was stocked up with Molten Brown’s toiletries. I absolutely love them!

The complimentary red wine, unlimited minibar drinks and snacks probably got our adrenaline pumping too. Not forgetting the white comfy bathrobes and bedroom slippers.

So yes, I ended up running around the room in my undies. Ooh, you’d love me in my new undies which was a gift from her. It was in summer green and you could see my butt cheeks peeking out from them. According to her, she was “highly turned on” seeing me walk around in my Calvin’s.

She should have seen herself in her sexy smoking hot Victoria Secrets’ lacy purple lingerie. I wanted to devour her over and over again. I was that hungry for her satin smooth creamy body. The way her dark wavy hair fell nicely over her shoulders as we looked into each other’s eyes, the way our lips fitted perfectly, the way her body melted into my arms make moments like these worth cherishing and repeated over and over again. There’s more but that’s between us only. 😉

Oh, American Idol was on TV and it was that day when we found our favourite contestant, Pia. She sang like a diva-like brunette Celine Dion that day. Our goosebumps stood up even though we were snuggling and lying in each other’s arms under the covers.

Then our KFC and Pizza Hut deliveries arrived. It was a food feast for us! We ordered spicy chicken drumlets, Hawaiian pizzas, crispy chicken pieces, Zinger burgers and whipped potatoes. Let me tell you a little secret. Whenever we eat, we go all out to make sure our meals are like heaven on earth – meaning the more the better, the yummier the merrier!

We had planned to head to the bar downstairs for some cocktails before going to the restaurant for dinner. But we ended up too stuffed to move. Still, we were game to get tipsy and to get the night started, if you know what I mean. I can’t wink harder enough.

The bar’s outdoor patio was set in a serene lush green surroundings. The cool evening breeze was lovely. And we really really liked the colour scheme – dark grey brick walls, cool grey rattan seats complemented with orange cushions. I’m definitely jotting this down for our future apartment.

We had vodka cranberries on the glass lounge table. I took a few pictures of her and she looked great in each shot. I thought to myself: “What a gorgeous girl I have and I really want to kiss her all over.”

But our adventure with vodka cranberries had to end early. Turns out we were not the fabulous drunks we thought we could be. The hotel bar was too generous with its alcohol serving. She started feeling dizzy. I was already woozy by then.

We had to put on our straight faces and walked past the reception to the lift. The minute the door closed, we burst out laughing. IT WAS THAT HARD to hold back our giggles.

When the door opened, a couple was about to enter the lift so we stumbled out grinning sheepishly. We wobbled our way blindly to the room door breathless and very tipsy. Then… We tried swiping the key not one, not two, not three but many many times and the door just wouldn’t let us in. I mean what do a pair of drunk lovebirds have to do to get into their room. And then we looked up to the unit number.

We were at the sixth floor. Our room was on the 14th floor. To say we fled like the tornado was mild so to speak.

When we finally stumbled into our room, we crashed into bed in a drunken stupor. After a while, I got up and poured a glass of red wine mixed with 7-Up for her. Yes, we planned to get each other drunk. But maybe, just maybe, we went so far that we fell asleep. For a bit.

She then headed to the bathroom. ” l really have to puke.”

So I was her kind, loving better half who held her hair back while patting her back gently to coax undigested food and vodka out of her. We sat at the toilet for what seemed like a really long time.

Until…

“Hey if you’re not going to puke, I’m going to puke.”

And I nudged her out of the way before throwing up into the toilet bowl. She laughed and said I was adorable. Then again, I’m always adorable to her even when all I do is sit there looking at her.

We climbed back into bed and settled down for the rest of the night. Oh, I went downstairs to collect our dinner (which looked really delicious) in between. Gosh, walking around with a giddy head took up a lot of willpower. We woke up halfway to hydrate ourselves. Oh, and made fun of each other through the glass partition while peeing. But Internet, we have decided that we shall drink no more than two glasses each in future.

The next morning, we were up and about for breakfast. I made coffee for her. She got us some eggs. It felt nice sitting together reading the Sunday news while sharing a delightful meal. Just think how great it would be if we can do this every morning together.

After breakfast, we went to explore the infinity pool and the gym. She was really keen to try out the treadmills but we didn’t bring our trainers. So after a brief dip in the freezing water which left my nipples in shock and her teeth chattering, we were pleased to discover that standing on a section of the pool where we can see through all 12 storeys down to the ground can make our legs shiver.

We headed for the sauna. It felt authentic with its wooden wall panels and the way the charcoals sizzled when we poured water over. Except there wasn’t any heat. We tried looking for the instruction guide. There wasn’t any.

The hotel room was still the best place to be. We could run around naked, shower together (seriously one of the joys in life), eat while in a bubble bath (another simple joy), watch tv in a bubble bath (our life sounds pretty awesome huh), scratch each other’s back, tease the one trying so hard not to look shy while peeing, shampoo our hair together and share kisses whenever our eyes meet.

Soon it was lunchtime. We were waiting for our food when we noticed the little pot of flowers between us. It was that moment when she took the picture above.

Then she looked at me with soulful eyes. “I have not been hungry at all since yesterday. I don’t think I can eat anymore.”

I laughed. “Me too. I’m still so full. From yesterday. And there is still so much food left.”

Yet we felt blissful, very “fulfilling” and blessed.

Dear Internet, if there is one thing we are very good at, it is that we always have awesome weekend getaways and holidays together. We can spend our days doing nothing but laughing, eating yummilicious food together, laughing again when we recount the things we did the day before and kissing.

Also, Calvin and Victoria are our new best friends forever. BFF rules!

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I’m a fool to want you.

I’m a fool to want you, to want a love that can’t be true. Time and time again, I said I’d leave you. Time and time again, I went away. But then would come the time when I would need you. Fortunately, this is not the time.

We had a good chat on Tuesday evening, which finally freed me from my inner demons. We haven’t spoken for almost three weeks and during this time, you passed me a pack of smokes, spent most of your time constantly typing into some foreign-looking messenger chat, texting on your phone and even went on a short trip. Before Tuesday, my days were spent obsessing over who you were talking to online or over the phone and why do you have so many new people to talk to. You can see why I wasn’t functioning well at work. This is probably something that will haunt me over the next few months still. But I’m getting better at not being paranoid.

Once seated, I asked you why did it have to take so long and why only when something traumatic had happened to me before you can finally speak to me. “Are we still friends? If you do treat me as a friend, then let’s be truthful here. Why were you avoiding me?”

You: I was afraid to talk to you. I didn’t know what to say and I was afraid you’d tell me to go away. I thought you were trying to avoid me.

We talked a bit more and you told me what has been going on in your life these days. Then I asked so have you met anyone new. You said no. I asked again, so you haven’t been talking to anyone new at all. Are you sure? You paused. You finally confessed you did met someone who was a friend’s friend in late February to March. I have visualised this moment over and over in my head so many times, always expecting my heart to break all over again. But I was stronger than I gave myself credit for. I simply shrugged.

Considering that I had asked you the very same questions three weeks ago when we had our last dinner and drinks, and you had insisted that there was no one new, I thought I had handled myself well.

You: I thought you meant if I was seeing anyone and I really wasn’t seeing anyone. We only went out in groups and talked but nothing more. It didn’t mean anything to me. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I also didn’t know how you would react. I didn’t know where were we or what I could say and not say. I thought you never wanted to know anything more. That person really didn’t mean anything to me.

Me: What’s wrong with that person? Why didn’t you just went for it?

You: That person showed interest and wanted more. There’s nothing wrong with the person at all. Other than being a psycho and on medication, I don’t do rebounds. But most importantly, I wasn’t interested.

In my head, all I could focus on was why did you only decide to be truthful now after keeping it from me for two months and if the person was perfect in all ways and you agreed, why let the medication stop you. Unless there was more you weren’t telling.

You: It was just different. That person just didn’t make me feel the same way as you did. [Maybe because you didn’t go out on proper dates.] I can feel it. Before we [meaning me and her] were going out, I feel it even when we were just doing our work.

I thanked you for finally being so truthful to me. It felt gratifying. I wasn’t crazy after all. That night, you set me free.

Anyway you can listen to this song featured in the new dreamy commercial ” Train de Nuit” by Coco Chanel here. It was shot in the famous Orient Express train by director Jean Pierre Jeunet, who’s famous for Amelie and Alien 4. And showing some nepotism for his longtime muse, he cast French actress Audrey Tautou to help Madame Coco hawk her famous Chanel No 5. Well there, I just wrote the word “famous” thrice, and now four. I’m on a roll.

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I dreamed a dream

Was listless the whole day. Had work to do but did not feel compelled to get started at all. Then I got on the Susan Boyle bandwagon and it was goosebumps all over. Such a beautiful voice.  Simply electrifying. And the 47 years old, who is unemployed, lives with her cat Pebbles and had never been kissed, is now an unlikely global Interweb star. According to the Guardian,

“In a sign of the speed with which Boyle has become a global sensation, viewings of her video clip on YouTube leapt from 1.5m to more than 5m in under 24 hours. So far, assorted clips of Boyle’s performance have been watched more than 11m times on YouTube.”

The viewing numbers are rising as I type. Go on, get floored by her in the video below.