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I’m not saying I hate you

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In fact, I’d even get the best seat in the house to watch you BURN. You get the drift…

My friend said I should just ditch idiots who make me unhappy, because life is too short to spend so much time being angry and miserable. Utter truth!

I had three conversations with three different people today and they all said the same things. The gist of our highly intelligent, wise and mature debate (well, it was more of me ranting non-stop while they listened and gave me advice) is that we don’t need unnecessary drama in our lives.

If people choose to be selfish and childish, then there is absolutely no reason why we should indulge them further. We should let them go and cut them loose forever to allow ourselves to grow and be better than them. We shouldn’t even stoop to their level because we are way above them and they are simply basic bitches that deserve the worse things in life.

Plus, I had been stewing in anger for the past six hours, while those idiots were probably enjoying their lives and ignoring my existence. See, how unfair this is? Because of my foolish anger, I let my productivity slide when I could have done so many things during those lost hours. This is why harbouring anger never pays off.

Today’s event also teaches me a lesson. It is that I can be very vindictive and behave very rashly whenever I get angry. I let my emotions take over and become very unreasonable. This is extremely unhealthy and I’ll most likely get a brain aneurism if I continue to let unhappy thoughts flood my mind. So I need to chill the fuck out and let things go already!

Conclusion: I need to change my mindset and behaviour towards people who do not deserve my respect, because my health deserves my utmost attention and I, more than anyone else, deserve to be happy!

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Care for each other even when you’re angry

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‘What is love?’ some of you might ask now and then. To me, love is caring for the person you love, even when you’re mad at them. And this pic sums it for me really.

There was one day few months ago when we were supposed to meet really early in the morning for an all-day out-of-town excursion. But things screwed up and we got into a huge fight, when I should have let whatever issue go but was too furious to do so. I continued to bicker, insisting on things that really shouldn’t matter. Well, it doesn’t matter now, because I can’t even explain clearly what we were arguing about.

It went on for ages and the conversation was going nowhere. I finally gave up and walked away to clear my head. Then I realised she was hungry and experiencing gastric pain, so I silently walked further away to look for food for her. She probably thought I was going to disappear. I crossed two streets before I finally found a stall selling hot snacks and water.

When I headed back, she was walking towards my direction. Maybe she was looking for me? So I walked up to her and somehow she was sitting at the bus-stop looking tired, sleepy and lost. Me? I probably looked grouchy and up for another argument. When I passed her the food and water, she gazed at me with a puzzled expression. Thankfully, she started eating.

At that moment when I looked at her silently chewing her food, I realised I have a weird way of showing someone how much I love and care for them. Getting into fights and not wanting to let the anger go is not the cleverest thing to do if I really value someone. I should enjoy each moment we have and fill our time together with happiness, not regret. This has been a painful lesson learnt.

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Worst day of my life

Today is officially the worst day of my life in January and it is only the 10th day of the new year.

It was so bad from the minute I walked into the office until 8.46pm – yes, until this very moment – that I officially want to quit my job or kill myself. I kept telling myself that it can get only better and there will be an end in sight. There was none.

I finally buckled and called my friend for help. In the end, I was filled with so much frustrations that I broke down in the car, unable to stop crying. Thinking about the day’s events and how weak I felt made me even angrier.

The call I received at 6.45pm was humiliating, to say the least. I can’t believe someone had the cheek to make those comments to me. Worst of all, I can’t believe I let myself land into this situation. I never had to sink so low my entire life and it’s an experience I am going to remember for a very very very long time.

Unable to get over the humiliation, I drove blindly and I nearly crashed into the barrier while exiting the highway. The moment when I had to swerve wildly to avoid hitting a car and the barrier while a motorbike was following closely behind my car scared the crap out of me.

If I didn’t steer away in time, I would be stuck with a wrecked car at the highway and a lot of explaining to do to the police. That woke me up. I didn’t feel better about myself but at least I was more focused.

I did what I had to do. I will survive and recoup my losses and I will come up with a solution to deal with this. For now, I just need the day to end.

Tomorrow, I will activate my positive neurones and face the world like I am infallible again. Goodnight.