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We are never ever getting back together

I don’t know how I have managed to live through the past few years without ever listening to Taylor Swift’s songs, but I did it very successfully. I’ve heard of her and saw her name in some random headlines on entertainment sites, but I’ve never wondered or bothered about finding out more. Besides, she sings mostly pop tunes (I think), which are not the music genre of my choice. I’m more of an electronic/indie/house/jazz sort of person. So it’s to my utmost (pleasant) surprise to listen to her song for the first time and genuinely liking it.

But the only reason I went to YouTube to listen to the song was because my friends on WeChat unanimously agreed it is an apt song for my current situation. Of course, the song title and chorus are now my mantras. I’m sure all 380 of you regular readers know very well why (just read the archives if you’re new here).

“You are never ever getting back together. Remember that.”

My friend repeated it twice to drill the message into my thick skull. I don’t blame her. I’ve been very stubborn after all. I probably need to be brainwashed.

“The best is yet to be. If you two split up, it means both of you were not suited for each other.

“Take your time to understand and see for yourself the current reality. Then gradually let the bits and pieces of the past go. And in no time, love will soon surround you once again.

“Stop standing at where you are at now. She will never return to you again. If you persist in holding onto these fantasies, the only person you are convincing and lying to is yourself.

“The whole world already knows that both of you are never getting back together again. You are the only one left in the dark, because you are still living in your own world.

“You have to get used to your present state of mind. Stop thinking that there will be a third chance or expecting her to change and come back.

“Stop contacting her and following her updates. No matter how great or bad her life is now, it is no longer your concern. It’s her life, her choices.

“Ok, the doctor’s consultation time ends here. Just keep a lookout for your new love, ok?”

My friend’s pretty cool, huh? She’s hilarious, beautiful and also wise beyond her years. I’m so grateful to have her on my side.

Btw, check out the video of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together below if you have 3 minutes and 36 seconds to spare. It’s lighthearted, poppy, short and easy on the eyes. And if it makes me smile, it’d make you smile too. Try it!

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Think less, do more

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I was going slightly crazy the past few days and was about to hit the panic button to anyone willing to listen. Then I realised it was no longer appropriate to feel any more invested than I already am. Letting go is making sure you keep moving forward.

My friend asked me: ‘Why are you still not over it yet?’

Frankly, I have no answer to that. I don’t think it’s my ego or my self-esteem that is holding on to whatever that is no longer there. I’ve been through the five stages of grief and I am no longer as angry and devastated as I was two years ago. Maybe I am finally moving on to the acceptance stage.

Yes, I have been willing to move on and accept that change is going to happen. But then sometimes memories would flood back without warning and I’d get choked up. And I’d regress and have to start the moving-on process all over again. Because it’s incredibly hard to let go of someone who you think is the other half that fits you completely.

So it’s been really tough, because there are times when I have this genuine fear come rushing all over me like a cold chill and that I would discover new pain to hurt myself with. It’s a constant effort to keep telling myself it’s ok and to forcibly block myself from seeing or reading things that might affect me. Which also explains why I have not logged on to Facebook or other social media sites for prolonged period.

It’s a conscious process to keep telling myself to put ME first and above all else, while controlling my emotions. I’ve been so good at it that this girl, who I used to be really close with, said: ‘The wall around you is so high now that no one will ever be able to tear it down.’

Maybe I am terrified to face the unknown, because I was so certain that you are the one for me and I kept hoping beyond hope that you will finally realise it one day.

How silly of me, right?

It shouldn’t matter if you’re happier or doing better than me or that you’ve moved on and found someone new. We are two different people after all. I can’t stop you from forgetting what we have shared and been through.

I can only stop wasting so much energy thinking about you and devote more time to healing my wounds. I can’t hold on to you or my feelings for you any more.

So yes, I have to think less and do more. Very apt, don’t you think?

We met for a reason. You were either a blessing or a lesson.