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The first step towards getting somewhere

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“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” —Unknown

Very true and wise, don’t you think? I’m been feeling so lazy recently it’s crazy how one can just lay in bed all day watching TV and playing on the iPhone. I’ve lost that bit of motivation somewhat in waking up early to have breakfast and get started on existing work or driving for more new business. I’ve been too … comfortable. And it scares me.

I recently attended a course on entrepreneurship, which discusses about the types of entrepreneurs, entrepreneurial traits and whether they are born with the qualities and if their circumstances that made them that way. It was a good module, because I finally learned how to spell “entrepreneur” correctly without struggling after the “p” part. Haha! But seriously, it taught me to look at myself — my behaviour in general, my attitude towards situations or people and my surroundings — and I have determined that I currently lack drive, because I’ve been too comfortable with life.

I still read a lot, but I’m not progressing any further with the new information and knowledge I’ve been absorbing like a sponge. I’m on a plateau and I need a push off it. I need to remind myself how thrilling it is to be filled with vigour in clinching new business, the pride in churning out quality work before the deadlines and (this is the most important bit) the joy in receiving that paycheque at the end of it.

Deep down, I know I’m born to do more with my time in this world. But the only way for me to do that is to stop sitting on (actually, it’s lying down most of the times) the plushy bed and get up (to work on the computer) to do stuff — useful things that will lift me up from the plateau to the peak of a menacing-looking mountain with a nice snowy cap. Perhaps I should take notes from a true entrepreneur, Richard Branson, who wanted more in life and dared to set up so many businesses and challenged the norm and was not afraid to fail and keep trying. In doing so, he became a knight for his bravery in the corporate world. Maybe if I ever falter and revert back to lazy mode, I should just keep asking myself: “WWRBD (What would Richard Branson do)?”

Sounds like a great doable plan. I have a totally smug expression now. If only you could see me now.

Right, so it’s five minutes more before my alarm rings for me to get ready for one full day of work. I’m gonna head out there to try seizing the day for myself. I hope this blog post has sort of inspired you to do the same. Carpe diem!

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Monday is gonna be fine

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I was feeling bored the other day while waiting for others to finish their lunch that I suddenly exclaimed: “I think I have magical powers.” Eyes immediately turned to me.

“It’s true. I tried killing a cockroach last night but it disappeared without dying in front of my eyes, so before I went to sleep, I made a wish. I wished that the cockroach would show up dead, because I wanted to sleep in peace.

“And my wish came true! This morning, it was lying near my door looking very dead. See, my powers worked.”

I immediately felt that my colleagues’ eyes were trying not to roll themselves. “That’s not magic,” one of them said. And their attention started drifting off to their mobile phones.

And I laughed. What I failed to elaborate further was that the cockroach disappeared near the windows which were the opposite where the door was… So for a dead cockroach to appear in the morning at the opposite direction was really quite a miracle. I was truly convinced I had magical powers to do anything I wanted—I could command the law of attraction to get the Universe to do my bidding. I could almost hear myself cackling evilly.

“Maybe I will wish for money to drop from the sky next.” I grinned at my colleagues, thinking they were foolish to dismiss me.

I had no idea what I wanted to convey with my story, but I wanted to demonstrate 1) the power of thought; 2) what the universe can do for you; and 3) what you can achieve if you put your mind to it. Amazing huh?

So Mondays don’t always have to be associated with the blues. Mondays can be the days when anything you want will happen. Mondays can be joyful, but only if you allow happiness to be present. Start your Monday right and your whole week will be amazing, and maybe even magical. Why not, right? It’s “anything-can-happen” Monday.

P/S: I was chatting with my friend on Friday night and she asked how I was doing relationship-wise. I said I have moved on since a month ago when I was at my lowest and on the verge of breaking down. I told her I’ve stopped looking at things I shouldn’t and stayed away from things that were harmful to my mind. When I removed the things that were blocking my recovery, I recovered faster.

What I didn’t say was that meditation saved my mind too. It gave me clarity and a sense of calmness that lifted the heaviness in my heart. Maybe one day I’ll be less embarrassed to let more people know I meditate daily. Meanwhile, you should try meditating if you need some zen in your life.

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I still remember the feeling

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It’s sad to even blog these days, because I’m heartbroken; I’m like a broken record being put on repeat and it seems like there’s no way to fix me. I can feel a stab in my heart and I know the pain is real. Yet I’m fighting so hard to be well again; to recover from what seemed like the loss of my life.

It’s been more than a year since we last saw one another, and while you appear to have moved on with your life and gotten together with someone new, I’ve remained at a standstill. I tried staying away from you, but it did not stop me from thinking about you and missing you terribly.

It hurts, it really hurts. I keep forcing myself to consciously choose me, but every time I come across your tweets or anything you post, I take two steps back again. I’m emotionally drained and I feel helplessly stuck in this time vacuum. I keep thinking back if I could have done anything different or better to salvage our relationship, but my mind remains blank. Maybe I am just a foolish person clinging on to a romantic dream that has long since disappeared into thin air.

I had truly believe we were meant for each other and that you were the right one for me. I guess it still hurts so much, because I still believe (foolishly) we are meant to be.

I suffered the same acute heartache in 2011 when I thought you had found someone new. It drove me crazy that I wanted to do drastic things to myself. That was a terrible night to be me. I went through 2012 wanting to be free from the mental shackles you’ve put me through and to build up my courage to speak to you again, hoping that we would find each other again. It’s 2013 and I find myself immersed in fresh pain at the thought of you with someone new. This time, I managed to find a sense of control that wasn’t there before, but it doesn’t mean it hurts less. It still does, and I hope one day you will feel the pain I feel for you and know that there was once someone who loved you even more than life itself. Goodnight.

P/S: Dear Universe, here I am once again. I’m finally ready now and I know you will make things happen for me. I want to be extremely happy and lucky, meet and be with the person of my dreams (preferably within the next one week) and be JK Rowling-rich! Thank you!

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Yo yo, noogga in da house

Lunchtime 1pm: My plate of noodles was so black that I’ve half a mind to call it noogga. And I did. The bitch stare was over in three minutes top. And noogga was no longer in da house.*

If you love me, you would continue reading on. You may also like to pause over every word like it is a fine piece of damn good poetry.

Today was a good day. Oh yes, the minute I reached the bus stop, my bus came as though it heard my siren for service and had to get to me before any other buses did. By the second stop, I’ve gotten a nice window seat, barely butt-hot, thanks to the kid sitting on it before. Took a snooze and actually woke up just before my stop. Reached work at 8.45am. It was, say it with me, like a breeze baby.

End of work 6.30pm: The minute I walked out of the office, the bus came almost instantly. Brilliant. Oh, we had a secret code. I just had to mentally snap my fingers. Nice aisle seat – check. Harmless-looking with no creepy vibes stranger sitting beside me – check. Little traffic on the road – check. It was, in Kylie’s immortal words, WOW-WOW-WOW.

Seriously, the day can only get better tomorrow and I can’t wait.

*It could be hiding with Elvis. You never know.