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I’m not saying I hate you

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In fact, I’d even get the best seat in the house to watch you BURN. You get the drift…

My friend said I should just ditch idiots who make me unhappy, because life is too short to spend so much time being angry and miserable. Utter truth!

I had three conversations with three different people today and they all said the same things. The gist of our highly intelligent, wise and mature debate (well, it was more of me ranting non-stop while they listened and gave me advice) is that we don’t need unnecessary drama in our lives.

If people choose to be selfish and childish, then there is absolutely no reason why we should indulge them further. We should let them go and cut them loose forever to allow ourselves to grow and be better than them. We shouldn’t even stoop to their level because we are way above them and they are simply basic bitches that deserve the worse things in life.

Plus, I had been stewing in anger for the past six hours, while those idiots were probably enjoying their lives and ignoring my existence. See, how unfair this is? Because of my foolish anger, I let my productivity slide when I could have done so many things during those lost hours. This is why harbouring anger never pays off.

Today’s event also teaches me a lesson. It is that I can be very vindictive and behave very rashly whenever I get angry. I let my emotions take over and become very unreasonable. This is extremely unhealthy and I’ll most likely get a brain aneurism if I continue to let unhappy thoughts flood my mind. So I need to chill the fuck out and let things go already!

Conclusion: I need to change my mindset and behaviour towards people who do not deserve my respect, because my health deserves my utmost attention and I, more than anyone else, deserve to be happy!

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Worst day of my life

Today is officially the worst day of my life in January and it is only the 10th day of the new year.

It was so bad from the minute I walked into the office until 8.46pm – yes, until this very moment – that I officially want to quit my job or kill myself. I kept telling myself that it can get only better and there will be an end in sight. There was none.

I finally buckled and called my friend for help. In the end, I was filled with so much frustrations that I broke down in the car, unable to stop crying. Thinking about the day’s events and how weak I felt made me even angrier.

The call I received at 6.45pm was humiliating, to say the least. I can’t believe someone had the cheek to make those comments to me. Worst of all, I can’t believe I let myself land into this situation. I never had to sink so low my entire life and it’s an experience I am going to remember for a very very very long time.

Unable to get over the humiliation, I drove blindly and I nearly crashed into the barrier while exiting the highway. The moment when I had to swerve wildly to avoid hitting a car and the barrier while a motorbike was following closely behind my car scared the crap out of me.

If I didn’t steer away in time, I would be stuck with a wrecked car at the highway and a lot of explaining to do to the police. That woke me up. I didn’t feel better about myself but at least I was more focused.

I did what I had to do. I will survive and recoup my losses and I will come up with a solution to deal with this. For now, I just need the day to end.

Tomorrow, I will activate my positive neurones and face the world like I am infallible again. Goodnight.

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The colour of Monday

I was so annoyed with the people I work with today I scratched my neck in frustration. Now there are big red marks on my neck and they hurt. To think I still wonder why I am losing my hair in an alarming rate.

Seriously, I counted last night – I saw more than 10 strands among the suds when I was shampooing my hair and there were 11 strands of hair on the bathroom floor by the time I finished drying my hair. That is excluding the ones I found on the bedroom floor and on the bed. I know an average human being would shed around 50 to 100 strands of hair a day. But really, this is excessive for someone with short hair. So yes, my possible hair loss is worrying the crap out of me and I don’t know what to do. Yet.

And will someone please let me use their shower facilities? The water heater at my place broke and I have been forced to bathe with extremely cold water the past three days. Let’s put it in perspective. The water is so cold that even my pee is hotter than it so technically speaking, I’d rather bathe in my pee than the freezing water. Besides, wasn’t there research that said urine has antibacterial properties? No? Then you probably should not come near me until the heater gets fixed. Just saying.

Right now, I am eating a packed lunch that (I suspected was cooked by my sister and I think she should keep her full-time job) consists of macaroni, some mixed vegetables, hotdogs, cuttlefish balls and tomato pasta sauce.

This has been a tiring Monday morning and the end is not even in sight. There were plenty of times when I wanted to hit the table or scream out in anger because people were being stupid. And there are at least five more hours to go before I can officially leave the office.

So my mentor once told me that I have to be more tolerant and easy-going and not take things personally when things are going against me. He said the best thing I can do is to let go and smile and things will naturally look up. All I can say is he hasn’t seen the people I have to deal with for work.

So it’s lunchtime now and after I thought about what would be calming for me, I decided to blog about it. Blogging has therapeutic qualities for me in that I get to voice my frustrations out loud to you, Internet, without bothering anyone IRL. Also, solutions might soon emerge by themselves after all my ranting. (I hope.)

Usually, I’d feel better because I’d realise that things are not as bad as they sound and I have so many things to be grateful for so I tend to become a more pleasant human being after that. (Again, I hope at least it appears that way.)

So yes, reminding myself of the things I am grateful for is a philosophy I stand by because when I remember how good life has been / is treating me, I would immediately smile and the weight on my shoulders becomes lighter. Also, repeating the line “life is too short to waste my energy on stupid people” tends to help. HA.

Another thing that keeps me grounded to happiness is when I think of the awesome times we spent together. If we had any hilarious conversations or videos or photos of us doing silly things, I would be looking through the recent ones on my phone or email inbox, thinking about the next time we get to see each other again. Now that will definitely make me grin.

Writing about our adventures together is another great therapy for me. It not only helps me document our happy memories, it also inspires me to be the best I can be for us when I know we have so much more to look forward to.

Oh yes. Come on, I know you’re mostly here to read about our love story. Stop denying it. Ha!

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How to piss me off

I’m so sick and tired of telling myself I’m okay with whatever you are doing and the next minute I get all worked up because you did something which seemed innocuous but instincts from my every pore tell me that you are definitely doing it on purpose.

At first, I tell myself you have the right to do whatever you want. After all, there’s nothing I can do if you wish to blatantly avoid me online. I can get mad all I want but I know I can’t question you about it because I have my life to lead and I’m not supposed to be ruffled by whatever silly scheme you have in mind anyway. But the anger I had earlier this evening was so so hard to let go. Do you know what I mean?

Thinking that we have progressed after the talk last week was clearly making me expect more when you are still the same old you. While I have nothing to hide, you were behaving as though you have everything to hide still. So much for being truthful to each other. This agitation is getting on my own nerves but I don’t know where else I can focus my emotions and attention on.

Anyway I’m glad I had mates who helped me keep my head intact. That’s one less outburst from me in this lifetime. “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” –Chinese Proverb

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The Imaginarator needs a braincation!

brain·ca·tion (brn-kshn, v-)

n.

1. When your brain decides to devote a period of time to pleasure, rest or relaxation. Usually after one has completed shitloads of work.

2. A holiday for the overworked mind.

3. An unfixed period of rest hours, where the brain suspends all mental activities during work to avoid doing work.

4. Archaic The act or an instance of the mind vacating the body.

After slogging through what seems like forever*, my brain went into overdrive together and finally decided to shut down. Today. During work. A mental off day, it demanded. So I spent my full nine hours pretending to be thinking hard about work with occasional furious typing and lots of scribbling. All the while, my brain was happily snoozing on a nice big comfy bed.

*I don’t care if the Gregorian calendar says 10 days, it probably never had to work a day in its Gregorian life.

Feel free to regale me with your mental off days in the comments below.
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Why I hate aisle seats

So I was on the bus earlier and I hate aisle seats for the same reason you will hate aisle seats in approximately three minutes time.

I normally do not mind seating next to the passageway when the bus is derived of any passengers. What, I have my personal space limit to maintain here. Which means crowds should not exist at 9.10pm. But this old man, he played knick … oh … He stood horribly close – like the fabric of his clothes was touching my sleeve close –  and he smelled. On a smell’o’metre scale, the needle was very close to attempting a daring break out.

Now add the four stops I had to endure before I can drop off. Oh, and I had to lean towards the middle-aged man in pink who was seating beside me. There was definitely a low hum from his corner during the journey. Our sleeves kept brushing against one another too. See why you hate aisle seats now?

But really, nothing compares to the lovely blast of rancid smell molecules that welcomed me to the office washroom. That, my friend, totally sent the smell’o’metre scale back into the manufacturer’s arms. Right before lunch too. Wonderful eh?

Feel free to leave your smelly snides in the comment box below.