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How I made peace with 2013

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Happy New Year! Have you been nursing a hangover for the past few hours or has the first day of a brand new year been subdued? I’ve been feeling sluggish since I woke up, after having a late night out that had no alcohol involved. How amazing is that? Well, maybe just a few sips of muscato to match the festivity. But I don’t regret it at all, because I had one of the best and most memorable New Year’s Eve celebrations ever and my body is still paying for it. Unlike last year when 2012 was refusing to go away quietly without a fight (it was pouring heavily that day), today has been peaceful. I am so psyched that I can tell you confidently that the smell of optimism and change is in the air.

For this year’s round-up, I am going to do something a bit different. I am not going to write about the things I regret doing (or not doing) in the past 12 months, or whine about my losses and sadness, or grumble about not meeting my goals or career progress, because those are in the past and they should remain there. Why should I bring them back again? So I can make myself depressed again? IT would be far healthier if I just focus on what I can do from now on instead. Agree?

So to sum up my life in 2013, it’s that I’ve learned to be grateful for the things I have, the people I have by my side, my good health, my good looks, my job, my intelligence, my earning power (that has kindly allowed me to splurge on ridiculously expensive branded shoes), my growing maturity and ability to trust my instincts better. I can also let you in on another secret: I have never loved myself more than this moment and I love me more every day. 😀

Showing gratitude and learning to love yourself more may sound simple, but it is not easy to do when you have discontent in your life or when you feel lost or if you keep harping on the past or worrying about the future. The one new useful skill I learned this year was meditation. And it has helped me greatly in being at ease with myself. Here’s a quote that I came across recently and I hope it gives you the encouragement to find peace within yourself:

‘If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.’

Anyway, in other exciting news, I have compiled — without the help of WordPress — a decent round-up of my top five most popular posts on this blog from 1 Jan to today. I have even made little comments next to their links to encourage you to view them (hint!) again to see why they were so popular.

Top posts from 1 Jan 2013 – 31 Dec 2013

  1. Care for each other even when you’re angry (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/care-for-each-other-even-when-youre-angry/)
    — Recalling an argument I had with someone and how I realised I needed to grow up.
  2. I woke up wanting to kiss you (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/i-woke-up-wanting-to-kiss-you/) — I was missing the same person I fought with and looking at some artwork by Emin inspired me to blog about how much I wanted to kiss her again.
  3. It’s my 30th birthday (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/its-my-30th-birthday/) — Narrating about the major events before I hit a big milestone in my life in one of my longest blog posts ever.
  4. Lorax made me LOL (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/lorax-made-me-lol/) — This was one of the top posts of 2012 and I had never expected me gushing over how adorable the bears in the movie to be so popular.
  5. When you really matter to someone (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/02/25/when-you-really-matter-to-someone/) — One of my saddest entries of the year after I was frustrated and had my heart broken by the same person. Again.

The number of views in 2023 was nearly double from the previous year’s views. Amazingly, huh?! Hahaha!

And since you’ve been such loyal readers, here are two BONUS posts that would keep you coming back for more. What can I say? I’m like Santa Claus, only better-looking. Haha!

  1. Tom Ford and Richard Buckley Forever (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/10/06/tom-ford-and-richard-buckley-forever/) — A touching love story of how two stylish good-looking men met, fell in love, changed each others’ lives and adopted a baby together. What’s not to like?
  2. Talking to you makes my day (https://theimaginarator.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/you-totally-make-my-day/) — Another top post from 2012 and it was about how some of the happiest days in my life was texting with the same person.

Right, so I have no New Year resolutions to make, because stats in general have shown that most people tend to give up on their lists after three months. So, I am going to start on my work now. Yes, yes, my line between holidays and work has always been this blurry. I believe in being productive whenever I can, and not having my life being dictated by the calendar. You, on the other hand, have my blessing to remain horizontal in bed and enjoy the rest of your day. Have fun!

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Obsessing over Jaime and Julie

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Photo credit: The Internet

These past few days weeks I’ve been obsessing over two really, really hot female celebrities who are best friends IRL. They flirt, squabble, tease, laugh and are so close that I (plus all the fangirls/sci-fi geeks/nerdsbians over the world) really think that they should get married and walk off into the sunset. That’s how insanely good they look together. /me swoons and fans self.

I’ve been following their Twitter feeds, their fans’ Tumblr, Vine and YouTube (sometimes Pinterest) links and I still can’t get enough of Jaime Murray and Julie Benz. That’s how addicted I am to both of them as of 1 September 2013. It should be illegal for anyone to be so incredibly beautiful, funny, genuine, intelligent, snarky and gay-friendly at the same time. /me cannot stop hyperventilating and drool.

Because of Jaime and Julie (yeah, we are on a first-name basis now), I’ve recently learned new words like “nerdsbians”, “fangirls”, “fangirling”, “trolling”, “shtako” and, not forgetting, “squeee”. Argh, so hot!

Is it socially acceptable to cancel on friends at the very last minute just to stay home to google and refresh the shit out of the inter-webs just so I can gaze/watch/sigh at new tweets/pictures/videos of Jaime and Julie? Because that’s what I did yesterday and I have no ounce of regret or remorse. I didn’t even care what was on TV; I just wanted more Jaime info. I didn’t even want to start writing my business proposal which was time-critical, because Jaime > work.

You know there’s a game where out of three people, you choose to either marry, fuck and kill them? I’d so marry and fuck Jaime and kill everyone who gets in my way. That’s how massive my crush is for her right now!

And then I read about how she loves her lesbians for being “so intelligent and snarky” and how she graciously accepted her coronation as the Queen of Unicorns (and dragons) and how she even helped a girl propose to her girlfriend in front of the audience at Dragon Con. Oh and that Brit accent and caustic wit. Can she be anymore perfect? /me continues to swoon.

NB: The only thing that could make this even more awesome than it already is would be that Jaime has a gorgeous gay partner in real life. Omg that would be my fantasies come true! Make it happen, somebody!

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Sometimes you have to grieve on your own time

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“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” —Henry Ford

With the help of Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, it’s been so much easier to feel your heart breaking whenever you see a status or a picture posted by the one you love, because you know that whatever she did had nothing to do with you and was probably referring to someone new.

Sometimes we have to work things out on our own time. It’s much too easy to assume that our mind can easily move on and block those unhealthy thoughts from crowding our head at a snap of fingers, when in actual fact our emotions can’t keep up. This is a battle that logic doesn’t always win.

Whenever I’m tempted to text her again or to get a time machine to fix things (which is happening very frequently the past three weeks), I know there is this sense of regret that I can’t get over. Maybe I’m being selfish and presumptuous by thinking that we are meant for each other, when she might not even feel the same way.

Sometimes I do stupid things to myself. Sometimes I make stupid choices. Sometimes I miss out on chances that could make sure we can be together. Sometimes I keep thinking that my life would be so much better with you in it.

I have become highly distracted from work and my studies, because of this clutter in my head and I’m struggling to clear my thoughts and heal. Maybe I just want to reach out to you and get your attention and a response from you, just so I could feel better. Maybe it’s just to placate my ego. Maybe I just need some time away before I do something to worsen the misery I already feel.

The thing is closure can and should be done without having the other party’s acknowledgement. It’s about grieving in my own time.

I mean, what was I expecting to happen when I text her, hoping that she’d reply? That she would drop everything in her life and come back to me? That she would finally realise that we are meant to be together? That she would magically wake up and see me for who I am? It’s all a fantasy, isn’t it? Why am I even going back?

If you’ve moved on, I ought to respect your privacy. So yes, I need to grieve in my own time and let go.

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Time is money

You know, I’ve always heard people using this “Time is money” phrase but I’ve never known the origin of it. So I asked my best friend Google and turns out, it was said by Benjamin Franklin. While we can’t deny the great man’s wisdom, I don’t think we have never actually attempted to address time into something more quantifiable in monetary terms. Until now.

Enjoy your newfound wealth.

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