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Make it happen

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Hi! Miss me? Bet you’ve been missing me and my witty words terribly, eh? I had two long weeks at work and the slow Internet connection — whether it’s via 3G or Wi-Fi — on my mobile phone has been shit. SHIT, I tell you.

At this modern day and age, trickling slow Internet connection can really drive me nuts, especially when I’m impatient and bored. It pisses me off when my service provider (StarHub) is utterly useless and yet it has the audacity to charge a high rate for its ‘services’. Pui!

I can’t even surf the usual social networks a day without getting frustrated with the quality of my media consumption. I can’t wait to switch telcos, and you should too, if you’re using a shitty service provider like I unfortunately am. 😦

Anyway, I digress. I’ve been wanting to blog for ages after watching an episode from the third season of the TV series White Collar. It’s brilliant! I have a massive crush on Neal Caffrey and his posh lifestyle. The show is also witty, and has the right balance of intelligent humour (think sharp wit that’s caustic at times), drama and action. Like what’s new, right?

There were a few standout quotes in episode eight “As You Were” that really caught my ears. I like how they made me pause and ponder some of the things we chase for our whole life.

On needing to have passion in life:

Caffrey: Yeah, it makes the world go round; passion to get what we want, passion to keep what we have, passion to get back the things we lost.

On making decisions and enjoying the good days:

Jones: We can’t have it all, right?
Caffrey: Well, why not?
Jones: Well, because choices are sacrifices. And, inevitably, that means giving up something that you want, for something that you want more. So, now I have to ask… What does “having it all” mean to Neal Caffrey?
Caffrey: Never having to worry about money. Um, doing something that’s meaningful, being surrounded by people I care about and respect, you know. That’s pretty much the dream.

Are you already living the dream? I can’t wait to live out my dream!

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What I really do at home

The “What I really do” meme has been wildly popular these days and I just came across another gem which made me laugh out loud. I have been staying home the past few days trying to cram as much revision work as possible.

In an ideal world, I’d be extremely productive in that for every 50 minutes spent revising, I’d only take a 10-minute rest… and not revise for 10 minutes while getting distracted by social network updates, Scramble With Friends games, the internet at large, food, TV and sleep for the rest of the day.

Ahem. I do love my sleep and it’s amazing how attached I am to my bed, especially after a full satisfying meal. Anyone familiar with the “food coma” symptom?

So while the society and my parents perceive me as a really hardworking mature adult, this is what I really do behind closed doors. Shhh, let’s keep it between us.

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This is the sign

I woke up bleary on Saturday early morning trying to motivate myself to continue my revision. Gosh, I really love my sleep and forcing myself to stay awake at 7am is always going to be a struggle. After several mental push-ups, I finally shut my alarm off and sat up to face reality.

But to warm up, I had to scroll through all my social networks and read some of the day’s news before getting down to the serious stuff. And I came across this article below and I WAS BLOWN AWAY. Seriously, it was as though someone knew what I had been going through and wanted to pass a message to me and fate had me clicking on the link.

After I finished reading it, I was quietly impressed and inspired to do great things. So I read the article again, savouring each word and pausing at each sentence trying to memorise the advice it is imparting. That was when I took a deep breath and promptly fell right back to sleep.

Anyway, here are a few quotes from the article. A reminder of the emotion the article evoked in me and how it’s important we should pursue and fulfil our dreams and be happy in our pursuit:

Some people dream of success, others make it happen. Of course, you can dream as much as you like but waiting for things to happen gets you nowhere. Get active and start making things happen.

Before you get started, find the burning passion in you that will spur you on when the going gets tough:

Whatever journey your path takes you on, the most important thing is to have passion in what you do.

How many of you went to college, got your degree, and ended up doing something totally unrelated to your major? Studying it did not make you passionate about it. It wasn’t your path.

Education or even talent aren’t worth much without passion. So do the stuff that you love and you’ve always wanted to do because without it, you’ll feel stuck and unfulfilled.

Why this is a clear sign for me:

Make this year the turning point in your life. When you do what you love, you will be rewarded — it will just flow naturally.

Look at those around you who just make things happen. They have a clear goal in mind and they know where they want to go. They don’t always have a plan but they have the passion and the tenacity to make it work, and they achieve their goals as the end result.

Trust us when we tell you this. If something [sic] important to you, you WILL find a way. If it isn’t, you’ll find an excuse. It’s that simple. Find your way. Make it work, whatever it takes.

And why we should never stand still and hope for things to fall into our lap:

Stop waiting for the perfect time to do what you want to do. Do it now.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone, so get used to being uncomfortable. It won’t kill you. Do you need a sign? Here it is: - Bill Tikos

[via The Cool Hunter]

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A new era

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Today is the first day of a new beginning. At least this is what I have been thinking since last Friday. In a way, my self-prophecy came true. Obviously, I wish I had better comeback lines to outwit the nasty people I had to deal with on a regular basis. But today is not the time to ruminate about the past.

Ok, I know you are confused right now and you have absolutely no idea what I am rambling about. Please be patient while I sort my thoughts out and turn them into a more coherent format.

But hey, since I’m feeling generous during this Chinese New Year period, here are some clues: career, crossroads and courage.

This will be one of the greatest lessons you will ever learn about life and career in general – something that they never teach in school. Why? Because it’s something only life can teach you. And here I’m giving it to you for free.

It’s simple. I’m shit scared but I have to take this leap of faith if I want to truly succeed. If I continue to be shit scared because I fear looking silly or facing failure, then I will always have that “what if” on my mind. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? Right? Glad you came to the same conclusion.

So yes, I admit that I’m shit scared. But I am also telling myself this: “Use this fear as motivation to do better. You only live once. You can always pick yourself up, no matter what. The most important thing is you have to try.”

Because if you never try, you will never know. What makes you think you won’t succeed? Why not think of it as “every move you make is a step closer to success”?

And it doesn’t mean you sit there and wait for things to drop on your lap. You have to understand that it’s going to be extremely tough and you will have to put in effort to ensure that you are well-prepared and ready to take up the opportunity when it arrives.

Being grateful helps too. When you show gratitude to the good things in your life and people who have helped you, you will find that more of the same will come to you.

But always, always remember that you are worthy of the success that is coming your way. So dream big and prepare yourself in all ways possible to receive it.

You can do it. Happiness is in your hands.

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Worst day of my life

Today is officially the worst day of my life in January and it is only the 10th day of the new year.

It was so bad from the minute I walked into the office until 8.46pm – yes, until this very moment – that I officially want to quit my job or kill myself. I kept telling myself that it can get only better and there will be an end in sight. There was none.

I finally buckled and called my friend for help. In the end, I was filled with so much frustrations that I broke down in the car, unable to stop crying. Thinking about the day’s events and how weak I felt made me even angrier.

The call I received at 6.45pm was humiliating, to say the least. I can’t believe someone had the cheek to make those comments to me. Worst of all, I can’t believe I let myself land into this situation. I never had to sink so low my entire life and it’s an experience I am going to remember for a very very very long time.

Unable to get over the humiliation, I drove blindly and I nearly crashed into the barrier while exiting the highway. The moment when I had to swerve wildly to avoid hitting a car and the barrier while a motorbike was following closely behind my car scared the crap out of me.

If I didn’t steer away in time, I would be stuck with a wrecked car at the highway and a lot of explaining to do to the police. That woke me up. I didn’t feel better about myself but at least I was more focused.

I did what I had to do. I will survive and recoup my losses and I will come up with a solution to deal with this. For now, I just need the day to end.

Tomorrow, I will activate my positive neurones and face the world like I am infallible again. Goodnight.

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Big fish

If you conduct a google search for this phrase “Big fish in a small pond”, this website will give you this meaning:

“People who are important but only within their limited circle of influence.”

The converse phrase is “small fish in a big pond”.

The phrases are often used to convey the degree of ambition a person has – if they are content to stay in a small place or seek out a chance to grow into a “big fish”.

I remember someone asking me about this “big fish versus big pond” conundrum once because she thought I was wasting my talent in a small firm when I could probably grow and fulfill my ambitions in a larger organisation. I think I kept quiet then but to be honest, I had been mulling over it and biding my time since 2009.

Anyway, recently I blogged that I have made a big decision more than a month ago after much discussions with my close friends. Then on 20 September, I had an insightful chat with a mentor of sorts. He gave me so much useful career advice that I was trying to type as much as I can remember down after we parted.

What he said to me that day reaffirmed and validated my initial decision. But I think what was more important (and what made me felt better) was that he said the things I wanted to hear. Yet he was right in many ways.

Ok, there’s a tangent here. He also said I look very young and he thought I was only 26 years old. He is the seventh or eighth person who said I look young in the past two months. The sixth person had called me a young kid few weekends and someone I met at a party thought I was only 23.

Have I taken a youth elixir I didn’t know?! Maybe it’s my longish floppy rockstar hair that has been creating the youthful aura. Bet you want to be in my funky shoes now. If only my good looks can help me grow a bit taller.

SO. Guess this is it. I’ll be starting afresh and hopefully I have made the right choice for my future. I am fearful of the changes I have to adapt, and yet I am optimistic because I am confident that I will thrive no matter where I am. I am that good at what I do after all.

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Breaking point

(This post was typed halfway 14 Sep on my way home after yet a long exhausting day at work. I finally have time to finish it on 15 Sep.)

I AM SO SWAMPED AND BURIED WITH SO MUCH WORK AND COURSEWORK THAT I AM FEELING ALL CHOKED UP and sleep-deprived.

I was so close to breaking point working in the office alone tonight that when someone appeared out of nowhere with dinner as a surprise, I felt so blessed. Hehe.

Still, it has only been three/four days since I last blogged and I had to cramp in so many responsibilities in under 72 hours. I have never felt so drained my entire life.

I think about work before I sleep and the moment I wake up. I worry so much about failure that I have lost my appetite. I have dark eye rings and a permanent scowl on my face. I literally feel like I’m being pushed to a corner with nowhere to run. It is that horrific.

It has been an intense eight, coming to nine, days that I don’t think I can continue living/sleeping/working/studying with only 24 hours a day. It is impossible. And I haven’t even added in leisure time. Sad face.

I have also stopped logging onto ALL social networks for a very long time. I don’t even know if I am missing out on anything. Even if I did, I guess I couldn’t care less because I feel so liberated. My mind is so much clearer and I am more focused on the things that matter.

The only concession I made was on Saturday because people started adding me on Facebook and telling me they have added me so I couldn’t avoid not logging in. But I am proud to say I didn’t stay long and I wasn’t even interested to look at those new friends I added. (Actually I have never looked at new friends’ profiles. I don’t know why I don’t care! Maybe because I am more interesting than them. Ha!)

PHOOOOOO…. that was a huge long sigh of breath, not a fart. In an ironic way I have never felt more alive – having to cramp hours of revision, work in group project, conduct hours of research, show leadership, fulfil regular work tasks on top of understanding a totally new subject. All these things leave me with no space or time to think about anything else but survival and sleep.

I like sleeping. I miss sleeping. I enjoy sleeping. Which is why I’m going to enjoy my comfy, soft, fluffy kingsized bed now. Hehe. It’s almost as gluey as BTB.

See you.

Oh! I have to add this before I forget. A second, (and third and fourth) person asked if I was 21/22 years old on Sunday. I nearly choked on my drink.

“No, I’m not 22.”

“But you look so young. Are you sure? I keep thinking you are younger than me.”

Turns out that person was only 24. (again, this girl looked closer to 30! The other two people who asked me my age over lunch were much older and look old too. I feel young besides them!)

Which made me really puzzled because I was the unofficial leader for the team. And everyone was obediently following my instructions and listening to me. If they had all assumed I was only 21 and that they were much older and yet they were willing to be led by me, then WOW, I must have awesome leadership skills.

You can’t get me out of your mind now, isn’t it?

Also, a big decision was made yesterday… More exciting updates to follow shortly.